When Did I Get So Fat?

It is interesting how attractiveness of the female form varies with time, place and culture. In the 16th and 17th centuries, for example, "Rubenesque", or voluptuous women were considered desirable. It showed they had plenty and did not work hard for a living. Their full-figured plumpness reinforced their social standing, lazing around eating grapes all day, waited on hand and foot by servants. These days thin is IN! It means you have enough self-control to not indulge and place priority on your physical form, often obsessively exercising and dieting your way to perfection. Obesity is on the rise in America, but the pages of every fashion magazine and actresses that grace our TV screens tell a different story. We have come a long way from the "Twiggy" ideal of the '60's, but even those with some curves, the J Lo's and Beyonce's of our day, are tiny little women if put next to the rest of us!

Fibromyalgia has done a number on my figure. I have a horrible history of yo-yo dieting that started in my early 20's and Fibro has only compounded the problem. I was always a "voluptuous" girl with generous bosoms and curvy hips. I maintained a good figure but was never what one would call "skinny". No, not ever. I moved in with my husband right out of college and started packing on the pounds. We both lost a bunch of weight on Weight Watchers before our wedding but slowly gained it back over the years. After the near-death Pancreatitis attack in 2004 I lost upwards of 40 lbs. and was working out with a vengeance. I avoided anything fried, cheese, creamy, processed, sugary, buttery or manufactured like the plague. I was terrified of another attack and very motivated to maintain my strict diet and exercise regiment. I got down to a size 6-8 and was looking the best I ever had in my life. Then "mystery illness" hit hard and I could not weight train anymore, could not ride my bike. I could barely move off the couch! A little weight crept back on, and pretty soon my clothes were too tight. I was not nearly as strict with my diet, seeking "comfort food" to cushion the misery of illness, and gained about 20 lbs. Not great but not the end of the world either. Then I was introduced to a friend named Lyrica and I watched my body balloon up like someone hooked me up to a hose and turned the water on! I gained about 30 more lbs. and started packing it on in places I never had before. My hips grew into monstrous flanks on either side of my body! None of my clothes fit and I reluctantly bought 1 pair of black pants for work and 1 pair of jeans. I finally went off Lyrica and low and behold, same diet and exercise, but about 20 lbs melted away! 

Then the strokes hit and I was put on Prednisone, the nemesis that saved my life. After running around like a crack-head and stuffing my face with anything and everything I possibly could for the last 5 months I now find myself almost at that darn Lyrica weight again! Literally nothing in my closet fits! I am down enough on the drug now to have control back, but I am frustrated and irritated and upset and don't want to keep having to do this! The up, down, up, down is very bad for you. See not only do you lose fat when you diet, but muscle mass as well. Then when you gain the weight back, as many eventually do after going off the diet, you gain the fat back but not the muscle. So I find myself, once again, at a cross-road. Having vowed to never go on another diet again I need to do something. Something I can live with for the rest of my life. I already walk for 30 minutes 5 days a week, and do yoga too. But I have yet to resume the gym as part of my health and fitness solution and know my portions are entirely too big for weight loss as well. Now I am finding my Fibromyalgia not nearly as well managed as it was before the strokes and I am back to sleeping 10 hours a night and resting a large portion of my day. So where do I find the time? Where do I find the motivation? The handful of times I have weight trained since my Fibro was under control have shown me it only helps the pain. So I guess I buck up and put my big girl panties on and do what needs to be done! I tighten up my portions, get back on the unprocessed and unrefined eating plan I love so well, and get my butt to the gym! This is my problem, my responsibility to do something about, and I will keep pressing ahead until I am satisfied with the reflection looking back at me in the mirror!

Thanks for joining,

Leah 

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