Thursday, December 9, 2010

Sick Of Sick

At the end of July I had 2 strokes. Old news to most, new news to a few. I was diagnosed with a treatable and reversible form of Vasculitis, put on Prednisone and sent home to recover. Now I will utilize modern medicine for many things but prefer to go as natural as possible as much as I can. Pancreatitis, give me the drugs. Vasculitis, bring 'em on! VICD, you bet ‘cha I will crush that virus with anti-virals. But day to day living and management of Fibromyalgia depends on lifestyle for me. I rely on a  moderate dose of Neurontin and habit modification; reducing stress, taking my vitamins, exercising, cutting out processed foods from my diet, etc. I always believed that steroids were BAD and to be avoided at all cost. In retrospect it is kinda funny (in that sick and ironic funny way), when I was in the ER and the doctor told me he was going to do a Spinal Tap, which would require a minimal amount steroids, I balked at him. NO STEROIDS I said. He smirked in a sad way that said I did not have a choice. So the irony is not lost on me that the treatment for my particular stroke-causing condition is high-doses of Prednisone for months on end.

WOW that was a wild ride! Besides being a manic and frantic freak-out stress-case shaking with tremors, packing on the pounds from shoveling sugar down my throat and growing hair all over my body, there were 2 good things that came out of that experience. "Normal" energy levels and NO Fibromyalgia pain! But here I sit, nearly 5 months later, slowly weaning down off the steroids and feeling AWFUL! Oh I am in pain, unmotivated, sleeping 10-11 hours a night, lazy, irritable, thoroughly annoyed with everyone else's emotional histrionics. No patience, no compassion, no sympathy; for the acute misery of life with Fibro is rushing back to me and it sucks a big fat toe! My logical side knows my body is finally getting a chance to heal and repair from the strokes now that I am not full of false drug energy. But my emotional side is having a hard time adjusting. I got used to doing 4-5 things in a day! I became conditioned to expect a certain level of productivity out of myself. I came to rely on unwavering motivation and boundless production. I was allowed to be my natural type A again with no consequences and I liked it! On my Prednisione high I even fought with my husband over watching TV. I certainly did not have time for it, was way to busy to sit down and be bothered. Now I have to take breaks in between activities and have resumed my relationship with the television, putting her back in “best friend” status.

I will heal from this. I will go back to who I was before the strokes, just that much better for having survived yet another life-threatening crisis successfully. I will get Fibromyalgia back under my thumb. I will lose the weight I have gained, catch-up on the sleep I have missed, resume the exercise I keep skipping, settle into a routine of fruition. I will move forward in my life. And it will be real, sustaining, long term progress. Thank God there was a treatment for the strokes I suffered from, that the 8 more I was mere minutes away from having did not claim my life. Although the treatment has been brutal, it is, like most else in life, well worth it. For I am alive! I may be in pain, fog-brained, tired, sick of being sick and totally unmotivated, but I will prevail. I will keep on keepin' on because I have to. I have this one life to live and no matter what is thrown in my path, live it I will!

Thanks for joining,


  1. Leah, thank you so much for sharing this. I am just getting to know you through are facebook pages, and I am glad that I am. Thank God that you survived those strokes and that you are recovering well without residual effects.

    I think that those of us dealing with chronic and unbearable conditions have to create a new "us." Redefine what makes us happy and things that we can physically do that will make us happy. I'm still working on that part. I'm working on letting go of the old me. When it comes down to it, we are the very same person as we always were. We just have to tap into our attributes and move forward. I'm proud of you for the amazing strength that you've shown!

    I hate being on Prednisone as well. Among my asthma, lupus, fibromyalgia and severe vitamin deficiencies, I am on it way to often. I always enjoy the extra energy that it gives, but it's at a cost. I'm glad that you've tapered down and now off of them. Hopefully you won't have to be on them again.

    I'd like to share with you that has been helping me with my fibromyalgia. It took a long time to get the right meds and dosages, but I think we're about as close as we can get. I am on high doses of neurontin, flexeril, amitryptaline (not sure of the spelling) and cymbalta. Obviously everyone's bodies are different, so I don't know if this combo will work for you. Doesn't hurt to try if your doc agrees!

    May you be blessed with less bad pain and fatigue days! {{{GENTLE HUGS}}}

  2. I'm on a post-prednisone crawl myself. Sleeping 12 plus hours a day, glaring at my Gazelle glider machine as though it were some medieval torture device. Very difficult to go to bed at a decent hour when you've only been awake since 12:30pm.

    But you're right: we do get through these things, torturous though they may be.

  3. Thank you for being so positive, I'm 25 and been diagnosed with Fibro.

    Every day it's a battle to move, but I'm in college studying to be a child and youth worker.

    I can't let this damn thing claim my life but it's difficult when your body burns. It is websites like yours that helps me realize I am not alone and there are others fighting along side me.