Thursday, May 3, 2012

For Just Five Minutes

If you could understand what this was like, for just five minutes, you would never look at me that way again. 
You would know, in just five minutes, what the sheer horror of every nerve in your body on flaming fire feels like. 
It might make you pull your hair from your scalp and scratch your eyeballs out, just to detract from the pain, for just five minutes. 

If you knew what this felt like, for just five minutes, you would never view me with the cold eyes of doubt again. 
You would not laugh at me and tell me getting older gives you memory problems too, if you could live with this for just five minutes. 
Oh no, just five minutes would bring you to your knees, give you a frightening glimpse of this disease, the war waged inside me every moment of my life. 

Would you understand me more, believe me better, comprehend my panic and sorrow, after just five minutes of pain? 
Perhaps you wouldn't tell me to get over it already. Snap my fingers and just decide, if you were to know this intimately for just five minutes.
I might even venture to say compassion would overtake your judgment, after you knew what this felt like, it would only take five minutes.

Could I be so lucky you would rejoice at every gathering I attend, dinner I cook, load of laundry I wash, for just five minutes?
I believe you would know, in just five minutes, how remarkable it is I get out of bed each morning. 
What a warrior I am for completing a day of work, after just five minutes of misery. 

Five minutes would share so much, but this is not something I want to share with you. 
It is something I want to eradicate from the world, wave a magic wand, cross my fingers and toes, throw a penny in a pond. Anything to not have this anymore, for just five minutes. 
But if I had to look into your eyes, and see five minutes of pain, I don't think I could bear it, to know you felt the same.

Thanks for joining,


  1. I could show this to a family member and all they would see is the word "Work". 'See? SHE can work, why can't YOU?' I can hear it now. What a life.

  2. It is so difficult to get others to understand when we don't "look sick". You worded this great, Leah.

  3. This is brilliant. You are so kick ass.

  4. I'm guilty, but it's so sad to see. I wish I could take all the pain from my 23 year old so she could enjoy her life. You explained it well.
    As we say, Gentle Hugs.
    Alexandria's Mom

  5. Leah, this gave me chills. I just discovered your blog, and I'm so glad. Beautifully, poignantly written. THANK you!

  6. Thank you Leah, I have just been (finally) diagnosed with it. Leigh

  7. Wow...I wish I could show this to people and have them actually believe it to be true. They would still doubt it though. It's amazing what a "hypochondriac" I've become this year to everyone. I've heard the rumors that have been tossed around. Yes, they get back to me. No, I don't say anything to people, but it does hurt me, and I've cried more over that, than the physical pain I've endured. I wish for just five minutes they could experience the pain sometimes, so they would understand. Not out of revenge for the rumors and doubt, but just so they would understand...
    So well written. Thank you...

  8. Wonderfully put! I did share the link to your blog with others....maybe they'll get 1/2 or even 1/4 of the hint....You put it into words the way I have never been able to.

  9. there is hope for fibro i have it myself and almost gave up completly i was so ill i didnt know what hit me but i fort back gave up the meds and worked very hard to get better although it was very hard i live on painkillers and thank god i am winning a small bit but still get so many bad days hope this help all you folks xxx

  10. june may 6 4 20 am
    i suffer with fibro very bad some days i get worse than others i nearly gave up at one stage as i couldnt cope but i fourt back i have up all the hard drugs and realy tried to feel better i now live on painkillers and dont have a foggy brain to much and thank god for the good days i go to a group in w s m and it helped me so much xxx

  11. I am glad you ended this post the way you did-I could not wish my bad days on anyone-but, only wish for their understanding...Leila

  12. Wow Leah you said it so wellI am sick of trying to explain how I feel because no one gets it. You don't look sick that's what they say. Whenever my husband tells people what I go through they are amazed and would never think that because the way I look. So sad no one gets it.

  13. This could also be for men with fibro

  14. Folks figure if I was able to do something the other day I should be able to jump up & do it today.

    I may still be recovering from what I did the other day. So it isn't necessarily so.

  15. anonymous: No one understands the pain we deal with almost everyday. Somedays are better than others. I was married for 33 years my husband left me because he got tired of it I guess. I cried when I was diagnosed with this 10 years ago. I have successfully stopped some of my meds. They did not seem to help. June 25, 2012.