Saturday, January 8, 2011

The Road To Change

Man 'o man are we messed up. I am a Richter scale of hormonal emotions over here and my husband is about at his breaking point. Every single action is a negative or bad thing, and I am constantly forcing myself to keep my mouth SHUT so I don't wreak mayhem on my marriage. Getting off of Prednisone is akin to having severe PMS for weeks on end; maddening! When life gets like this, every action wrong, every thought negative, no enjoyment derived from anything, it is time for a reevaluation. What is important in life has escaped us as the toil and drudgery of my constant illnesses and my husbands severe unhappiness with his job consume our reality. It took a new friend reading old posts and leaving endearing comments on them to reminded me of my state of mind last spring, when life was on the UP. Before I had 2 strokes and nearly died. Before I met any of you. Mostly a year later we are still working our asses off, still on that same hamster wheel to nowhere, or so it seams, it feels. Our hopes, dreams and ambitions have changed, quite drastically I might add, but the immediacy of our reality has not much improved.

The truth of the matter is my strokes set us back a whole bunch. Last spring we were two people a year away from ending financial servitude and my health was improving markedly. We decided the life we were working so hard for was not the life we wanted and did a 180 on our plans and goals for the future. My husband planned to leave finance eventually and pursue a career as an actor in Hollywood. My plan was to obtain my Masters Degree and teach and write. He signed up for acting class and has thoroughly enjoyed melding his natural talent with the learned skill he is obtaining. I was trying to finagle financial aid to go back to school. But the strokes, followed by attack of the Prednisione, put all of that on hold for me. Now I find myself the head brigade of The Fibromyalgia Crusae and am loving it! But it is a lot of work and I am overwhelmed. My Fibromyalgia is not nearly as behaved as she was before. My husband is still working at that same job, and we have not ended our financial servitude. So in one way we are better off, by leaps and bounds, but if you measure it by the standards we experience today, it is darn near more of the same.

Thanks for joining,

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1 comment:

  1. I have been thinking about you today. Grr on all of the hormonal stuff, and so many yays about the crusade. You are an inspiration to us all, but I hope that doesn't put too much pressure on you. Since a lot of us seem to be overachievers and good at what we do when we do it, I pray fresh wind and strength over you today. You're spirit is so open and so beautiful. Please let me know of any way I can help you or promote the crusade. Lilac hopes sent your way. :)