Friday, January 7, 2011

I Need To Sleep

My dear friends, your fearless leader is falling apart over here! I am sleeping 12 hours a night and could sleep more. This morning when my husband called because he had not heard from me by 11am he woke me up from a deep dream state. One where I was trying to protect some mouse/dog looking thing that talked and was going to become the Queen of England. I am sure a dream interpreter would have a field day with that one! Stepping down to an almost non-existent dose of Prednisone, this flu/sick thing I have been fending off and my need for post-stroke recovery sleep is hitting me all at once and I am simply exhausted! Not Chronic Fatigue Syndrome exhausted, for that was a monster 10x worse than this, but it is extremely difficult for me to accomplish anything in a day and I feel my life is crumbling down around me! I have not cooked all week and have wrecked our finances with cheap take-out meals every night. My dear husband has had to find somewhere to buy his lunch while at work, and as the entire civilized world knows I have been out of coffee all week!

I remember a time when it was so much worse than this. After "mystery illness" blossomed and budded for about 6 months I was progressively getting sicker. My sleep became a noticeable problem, for I would sleep 10 hours a night and wake up simply exhausted. It was not until a year later when I received treatment from The Fibromyalgia and Fatigue Center that it began to make sense. I learned a crucial sleep disorder was a pre-cursor symptom for CFS and Fibro. I was started on the correct supplements and medications and when I had an actual dream I realized it had been years since that had happened. During this time I literally sat on my sofa zoning out on TV (too fogged to read a book) and watched the dust, dirt, laundry and dishes pile up around me. I could not do anything about it! Not one darn thing! It was one of the more frustrating experiences of my life. For just emptying the dishwasher was an afternoon event rivaling a round in the ring fighting a boxing match!

Intensive sleep is one of the components that got me out of dire straits with CFS and Fibromyalgia. Years of 9-10 solid hours with wild dreams every night.  Now the strokes are requiring it too. My body is capable of much more than when I was infected with CFS, but I am still not meeting my own expectations. And he won't admit it but it is irritating my husband as well. But I have to find a way to coexist with this, to make my life and sleep requirements work together and not drive me crazy. I will, for I have before. This is just part of learning how to manage a life and a chroic illness at the same time. Sleep tight my Fibro friends. Remember to be gentle with yourself, and I promise I will do the same with me.

Thanks for joining,


  1. Hang in there (I know, same old, same old). My dreams are uber intense, but I only sleep for an hour at a time, cause I can't afford the $30 for my "good sleep" klonepin. exhausting! hope you will find peace soon!

  2. Leah, what is CFS that you have?? I am sorry you are feeling so bad, my prayers are with you!

  3. Cynthia, CFS stands for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Alot of us with FMS also have CFS, real bummer!

  4. I'm doing the flare thing as well. Averaging 12 hours of sleep per day whether I want it or not. And dragging the few hours I am awake. And now I'm too tired to think of what else to say, lol. Good luck to you.

  5. I admire your courage and resiliency to come back from all that you have. You are fiesty!