Thursday, March 17, 2011

Living On The Edge

I am a rebel at heart. I hate being told what to do. More than that, I hate being told what not to do. I have been known to say the quickest way to get something out of me is to tell me I can't. Nothing fuels my fire faster than others doubting me. Perhaps that is why when someone sends me a chain email with a dire threat at the end that I must send this to 12 of my closest friends immediately or I will die the next day, I will most certainly not pass it on. And if someone posts a status on Facebook that says "If you really love Jesus you will re-post this as your status", the last thing I will do is post it as my status, my love for Jesus having nothing to do with it and disdain for being told what to do having everything to do with it. My husband and I are not the types to play it "safe". We have made a handful of risky yet calculated decisions in our lives and despite the challenges, have never regretted a single one.

We set the tone about 7 months after we started dating, 6 of them long-distance. He still lived in our college town and I had moved back to Los Angeles after graduation. It made sense to wait until spring for him to move to L.A. and us to move in together. He was working retail, did not want to leave them high and dry for the holiday season and we had not been together all that long. Yet my last trip to visit him was right after Halloween and he moved in with me the day before Thanksgiving. Yeah, that one turned out alright ;) About 6 months after we were married I had my first serious bout with depression. The I-can't-go-to-work-because-all-I-do-is-cry kind and I decided we had to move to San Francisco. L.A. was causing my depression because I did not want to live there (silly, silly girl). Everyone laughed at us. It was so expensive. And it was, but the second he got that acceptance letter to university we were on it! It made no sense whatsoever. I had just started a new career in cosmetics and paying the exorbitant rent and even more for the parking space (ha ha) was a stupid financial decision. But I figured we go now or after he graduates, anticipating we would be in our late 20's by then and starting to head down the "having babies" path of life. So at 25 we moved to the city by the bay and spent the next 6 years experiencing some of the best times of our lives.

Oh am I glad we did it then because 2 weeks after he graduated I got sick and life has been one big bag of mixed nuts since! But when I was finally diagnosed with CFS and FM, told there was not much for treatment and certainly no cure, I refused to accept it. I could barely leave my house and was pissed! He had worked his way through, full-time at both school and work, so we could have a better life and I wanted that better life! So I researched and bit the bullet and sought out treatment at The Fibro & Fatigue Center. I got a lot of flack for that one! Its not scientifically proven. You are wasting your money. I will be honest here, it went on a credit card. But there is no price you can put on health and eventually my life became more of a focus than my illness and once again, I was glad to have taken the risk. All in all taking risks have done us well, stretched us and grown us as individuals and a couple. I mean hay, after I had my strokes and retired from my 10-year cosmetics career to focus solely on Fibro Awareness, that was a BIG risk. But little by little, day by day, we are creating a movement that will hopefully change living with this illness not only for us but for future generations to come. If that is not worth the risk than I don't know what is.

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