Thursday, August 26, 2021

Flaring Depression


Am I depressed or in a flare? Am I flaring or suffering from depression? How, after all these years, damn near two decades of living with these conditions, can I not know the difference? A flare comes with insomnia and pain. Depression comes with a situational helplessness it doesn't seem will ever alleviate. A pressing down of my person into a flatness the three dimensions of life cannot reside in. A flare feels chemical, internal, an entity inside my body that has taken over control. So am I saying depression is a choice? Because anyone whose ever been there knows it sure as hell is not.

I'm on that hamster wheel running to nowhere. I'm trudging through quicksand, the struggle of placing one foot in front of the other sucking up the hours in my days. Life is backing up on me. Too much to do, too little time. And even less of a desire to get up and fix my reality. Just that panicky feeling, anxiety producing and overwhelming, every time I contemplate what's required to get back on top of my game. The amount of work required to right this ship isn't unfamiliar to me. I've stood at the bottom of this threshold many times in my life. Sometimes I've had the fortitude to take a shaky step out from the trenches, other times I've collapsed back down and rolled around in the mud a while longer before that strength finally knocks on my subconscious and yells at me to get it together, damn it! We aren't getting any younger over here, and the longer you put it off the more work there is to do!

Depression doesn't care. So I guess that's my answer. My melancholy is a symptom of my illness. But which one? Will this lift in a few days or will it continue to progress until the next few years are swallowed whole? The only thing I do know is the only way out is through. God I hate that saying, probably because it is so incredibly true. No magic pills, no quick fix. Just a slow and steady mastication of obligation. Taking one small bite out of what's required to make my life run until the day arrives when I wake up well-rested and enthusiastic, ready to slay the dragon again.

Thanks for joining,

Leah

3 comments:

  1. Seborrheic Keratosis Natural Treatment on the scalp is to gather material. Though they may look harmless, they are unappealing, so they must be detached from the casing. Happily, they can be detached with the use of Home Remedies for Seborrheic Keratosis. Natural Treatment for Seborrheic Keratosis is, be that as it may, sincerely troublesome because of the gluiness of nectar.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Herbal medicine is the best ����Greetings I am here to testify how great man called Dr OMO helped me out with herbs and roots which he prepared for me in use of curing my fibroids and Getting pregnant after 8 years of try to conceive with fibroids I takes his product (cure for my fibroid made with herbal medicine Root) for (21) days before I am to known I was totally pregnant after 2months of using dr omo herbs he also have Herbal medical for all types of diseases, and i promised him that i will tell the world about his Great job he ask me to drink from the herbal medicine before meeting my husband I did and after 2months I was pregnant thank you for your great job he can also help you if you have a low sperm count you want to convince a baby fast PCOS ,infections, stomach ulcer ,u Endometriosis cancer, yeast infection, fibromyalgia, Gonorrhea, Chronic pain , LUPUS, low testosterone, Herpes, blocked fallopian tubes Liver parasites ovarian cysts Arthritis, pile, ALS, Crowns and all other type of diseases, breast cancer, Get lost period back, stop period pain, Email : dromo596@gmail.com WhatsApp him on +2349033505260 thank you..Dr Omo. Please help me share and save others God bless you all

    ReplyDelete
  3. You don’t need to look any further than the skin on your face to know that what you put into your body makes a difference in how you look and feel. That’s why many people choose to take Vitamins and Supplements to supplement their diet or boost their immune system—even though there has not been conclusive evidence that they work! Regardless, here are the best vitamins and supplements you can use to maintain your skin’s beauty through various aspects of your life.

    ReplyDelete