Friday, February 4, 2011

One Good Day And You Are Ready To Give Your Lilac Away

I am making more and more friends with Fibromyalgia, and I am noticing something. We seem to be blessed with a decidedly short-term memory impairment. Even 1 good day after 5 days in an Amethyst cavern and it's like SHOWTIME! We begin the great race to catch-up on everything we are so horribly behind on. Laundry, cleaning, correspondence, work...does not really matter what it is, the point is we so easily forget the pain from the previous flare and darn it if we don't induce another one with our bevy of activity! I am queen of this melodrama. So sick and tired of having to sit around all the time, I spring up and leap at the chance to accomplish, contribute, not be dependent. But after a short while, as the pain starts to creep back up and I realize I have overdone it, the beginning of a flare rears its ugly dragon head.

So in the midst of this struggle, flare vs. the world, you promise yourself that if you are ever lucky or blessed enough to bask in fields of Lilac again, you will not squander it. You will spend it nurturing yourself so it lasts a really long time, as long as possible. And you will have fun with it. You will not do chores, you will not overburden yourself with "catch-up". You will connect with those you love, feel comfort and pride in who you are, laugh freely and often. But the second that Lilac comes... The cycle continues. Is this the doomed life cycle of a Fibrate? At least the reformed type A sector? Can I end this madness? Can I just feel good and not be in pain? Ever?

One day, my friends, we will. One day we will not have pain every day, every moment of every breathing second of life. We will run and jump and skip across fields of Lilacs and feel no more pain. For if we don't have this hope it is impossible to go on. So I cling to it, believe in it, strive for it, work for it. I know my quality of life will improve, and if I adjust my mindset in the meanwhile, accepting I am still valuable and wonderful as I am, I can endure until that time.

Thanks for joining,

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  1. How on earth do you post things that are relevant to my day TODAY? Every time you blog I'm sitting here bobbing my head. I may as well be waving a hankie! :) Thanks for this post.

  2. But honestly, sometimes even when I'm good and nurture myself, I still flare. So I rationalize that I might as well get things done while I can! I'm not sure what I should be sometimes I'll work for 15 minutes and then take a break for 15 minutes. It's a compromise that sometimes works...

  3. This Is so true, I do this a lot with exercise. Eventhough I know I need to pace myself I still almost everytime push myself to where I hurt the next day. I think I have this idea that I "should" be able to do a certain amount.

  4. You hit the nail on the head! I hate being in pain! Last night I had a flare that almost brought me to tears. But this morning I'm ready to roll and do whatever. And like you and everyone else, it will be over-doing it! I guess we over-due because we don't want to admit that we have a disability. We don't want to be pitied. At least I don't! And now that I'll be turning 60 in May, I find that my pain is = to aging. I'm getting old. And if I hurt this bad now, and have trouble getting out of a chair or walking NOW...then what will it be like when I'm 80. I get sick to my stomach just thinking about it. So I guess I'll continue to over-due on my good days because I want to LIVE and EXPERIENCE ALL that I can when I can, while I can. This morning I am mildly lilac-y. Hope it stays that way! Love you guys.