Monday, November 14, 2011

A Purpose Through The Pain

Oh Mark, you tricky bastard! I never heard this gem of his before and stumbled across it as I perused the internet. And I got goosebumps, rushing through my body, shivering up my spine. I got it instantly to the deepest depth of meaning. See I was just telling my husband how hard of a time I have relating to the world at large. I only identify with people that have suffered, those possessing a depth of soul, the heartache of consciousness. He challenged my prejudice. "When is somebody's struggle valid enough for you? Isn't that what you get all upset about people doing to Fibro patients? Judging your suffering as not real enough?" Yes, he had me, I sure did. Hypocrite! I called out and pointed to myself. 

Many many many people ask me how I got "better" from Fibromyalgia. I don't have an answer to that question. I have 75 answers to that question. And I did not get better, I got it managed. Every single aspect of my life is different now compared to how it was before I got sick. Everything has changed, all of it, todos. I am fundamentally a different person at my core. I eat different food and drink different water. I sleep differently and stress and cry in a whole new way. I do laundry and set expectations like I never did before. I pray with a different mindset and work and exercise with it too. That is what it has taken for me to regain a quality of life worth living.

But if I get off my little disk of "managed" floating high in the sky I body-slam right back down to the suck of Fibromyalgia. And it all crumbles away, washing down the big drain of pain and anguish sitting behind every door waiting for me to stumble so it can pounce. I must live very carefully to keep myself afloat. And when I fall it is a very hard climb up a very long ladder to get back there. But through this struggle, sacrifice and sorrow I have found my way. I discovered my divine purpose, tapped into my heart and found the sap of my soul. Through imprisonment in a pain I never imagined was possible I discovered why I was born. And that discovery set me free.

Thanks for joining,

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