I think I am going through a manic phase but maybe this is just what it feels like to be normal. I have not taken pain medicine in days, am laughing a lot more and increasingly expanding my horizons to feel that I am finally on my road in life. Perhaps this energy I feel surging through my body is just the absence of pain. Not necessarily an over-abundance of chemicals, but what it feels like to not have Fibromyalgia, to be healthy. I don't truly remember that. I don't remember that girl or that life or what path I was on or what objectives I held dear. I have a vague recollection, a looming memory of what it felt like, but I sure don't identify or really remember what it was like. I feel that someone plucked me up in 2005 and dropped me off in 2010. Those 5 sorrowful and sad years in between, those years are a blur of unending pain, suffering, instability, loss, confusion, anger and fear.
But now I feel that I have broken free and am living and breathing again. I am dreaming and believing and challenging myself...and succeeding! I am racing toward that life I have always wanted, pushing myself every step of the way to get there as quickly as possible. I feel like I have already lost so much time and don't have any more to loose! Maybe this is manic? Whatever it is, it feels so good to finally feel good again.
Thanks for joining,
Leah
This blog was originally published on 7/15/10, nine days before my first stroke. I can't help but wonder if this was related in any way. I was not only feeling great, I was believing it too!
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