WANTED

Dear Editor,

I am not exactly sure under which category you would like to post this ad. It does require a broad base of skills and knowledge so you may choose to apply it to as many fields as you see fit. We are looking to fill a multi-national staffing agency and need those from all backgrounds.

Wanted:
An adult capable of performing in-home care with a clean record, both police and driving, able to:
-Commit at least 6 days a week and 12 hours a day
-Cook, clean, do laundry, grocery shop & run errands
-Be extremely positive and compassionate
-Play chauffeur to a bevy of doctor appointments where you will keep notes and ask questions or even challenge the doctor if needed
-Remember everything that ever happens in the event it needs to be retold
-Keep track of complicated combinations of medications and make sure they are taken properly and on time
-Give gentle yet thorough massages daily
-Lead a mild stretching and walking program designed to rehabilitate
-Put up with everyone else that lives in the household and keep them quiet and occupied, running their errands and driving them where they need to go as well
-Laugh at the multiple absurdities of life
-Spend a lot of time at the pharmacy
-Be really really nice in the face of a very grouchy person in pain
-Be up to date on the latest research and treatments for chronic pain
-Calm down hysterical or upset people on a regular basis
-Act as a mediator between clueless friends and family that can be mean at times
-Be honest and ethical, even if the one you care for will never notice
-Fight your ass off for disability so you can actually get paid
-Ignore mood swings
-Encourage health; physical, mental and spiritual
-Force the one you care for to stop "overdoing it" if you notice they are particularly active or trying to "catch-up" because they are having a good day
-Understand your needs come last
-Play therapist
-Have endless ideas on how to turn a frown upside down
-Caretake for anyone else the one you caretake for caretakes for
-Be overwhelmingly flexible and spontaneous yourself but don't expect that in return

Please apply in person to ensure you are a personality fit with the one you will be working with. This job is hard and complicated and requires long hours at low pay, don't say you have not been warned. However what you will be exposed to will not only make you extremely grateful for all you have but will also make you stop and smell the roses, discover what is truly important in life, learn how to laugh through your tears and show you the unbreakable will of the human spirit. Call 888-NO-FIBRO to register and obtain information on where to apply. Thank you for your interest.