Thursday, October 27, 2011

From My Better Half


In Sickness and in Health…

When we met 13 years ago I don’t think either of us could have imagined we would test that phrase to it’s fullest extent; but we did…and we have. Through multiple bouts of Pancreatitis, a six-year (and counting) cluster-fuck of Fibromyalgia, and (God, I can’t believe I’m saying this) two strokes at 33, we have embodied every syllable of that phrase. God knows neither of us signed up for this, but here we are.

I remember a funny quote to the effect of, “while you make plans, God laughs”. Neither of us planned for this and I’ll be damned if either of us is laughing.  But here we are.

Normally, these blogs address the Fibrates, the Suffers, the Commiserators… the Unitiated, but I think it’s time I address you…the one I promised “In sickness and in health” to. I don’t even know where to begin and I don’t even remember where this started…but here we are.

When we came together and were married, the world was our oyster. We shot for the moon and didn’t give a damn if we landed in the stars… as long as it was together. Then reality set in. Health set in. Time set in. But somehow, some way we forged past all that insanity and have become stronger.  Stronger…strength…what a funny pair of words. When I was weak, you were strong. And when you were weak, I found the strength to carry us both. I know we still have that moon in sight and I know at my core we’ll get there. How we’ve managed to stay strong is beyond me…but here we are.

Normally I’m a wordsmith, but in writing this blog I feel like a child, barely muttering their first word. There are so many things I want to say to you. I’m proud of you, I love you, you’re my life, my rock, you show me what true strength is (there’s that damn word again). But what bursts out more than anything is…I love you. Wordsmithing aside, I’m proud to walk this earth with you. Side by side. So here we are…

Leah, you’ve leaned on me heavily throughout this insanity called Fibromyalgia (and to a greater extent, life). And truth be told, it has, at times, taken me to the brink of insanity, exhaustion, and pain. But please understand this…I would do again and again and again for all of time. You have shown me what perseverance is…what true strength is…and I am in awe.

Honey, for whatever reason, our path has not been and is not a simple one. I don’t know why…and frankly, I don’t care why. I made a promise to you long ago that we would take this rollercoaster ride together “in sickness and in health”, and I plan to abide by that until time ceases to exist.

It’s impossible for me to express my gratitude, love, and respect for you in a blog. But what I can promise is to show you all of until my last breath on this earth. And one day when we’re both on the other side, I’ll pick up right were I left off here. I love you Leah. I respect you Leah. I am in utter awe of you Leah. And frankly, I’m a better man because of you Leah. Thank you for showing me what true strength is.

A note to my wife’s fellow Fibrates…

Leah started the Fibromyalgia Crusade over a year ago because she was sick and tired of the fact that 6 million people and counting did not have a voice. I have never seen such passion and fervor from someone in my life. I know you all draw on her blog for comfort, knowledge and strength, but I’ll be honest with you. Her inner strength comes in large part from you, her fellow Fibrates. She works tirelessly to ensure Fibromyalgia patients have a voice, but there is no way she could do it without your support. Some of you just joined and some of you have been here since the beginning. Either way, she draws strength from all of you…and as her husband, I thank you. It’s not that we all can’t do this alone, but it’s a hell of a lot easier if we have others to lean on. And that’s what this whole Crusade is about!

I wish you all the best of health and well being.

Namaste

I have been very sick for the last few days and when I finally came back to life this was sitting on my computer screen. All I could say through my tears was "Wow."

8 comments:

  1. Wow....that's an amazing letter. My 12-yr marriage ended 10 mo. ago b/c my partner couldn't handle my new life with Fibromyalgia and a host of other auto-immune conditions. I got sick 4 years ago and it had a devastating effect. You are so, so lucky to have a partner who really understands what unconditional love is. Congrats! :)

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  2. We've been through it all here too. My husband has told me these same things. Somehow knowing another man can say these things to his similarly "broken" wife helps me believe him even better. I suppose I have thought maybe it was too good to be true. Thank you for being a supporter of a fibro woman! It's the only way to survive.

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  3. Wonderful blog for Leah. Full of love. XO

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  4. I am crying. What a partner! What a blessing! Both of you. I am encouraged and astounded at what is written in this post. Thank you to both of you for sharing with us how you are beating this trail like wild ponies. Love it! So much gratitude and cheers. You guys are doin' this thing.

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  5. You make me happy! As I am going on 10 years with my mate, he was my rock, with not showing how he felt much after finding out I had cancer! We made it through, then Fibro! Wow! Then when after rounds of tests I was good of cancer, but I knew in my heart it wasn't right. New doc, here I go surgery again, after I just got done with cancer of my uterus. Thyroid 2 times cancer of uterus once. My boyfriend didn't have to stay but he did! I got a wonderful dog, a boyfriend and my family! Thanks for sharing, cause as we try to put it behind us, how do we? My doctor told me I think you can put your thyroid cancer behind you. I need to work on that! Thanks! This is one of the best sites I know, and I have my keyring and shirt. But white and me don't go well together. My Fibro shirt got nailed with a great special Japanese meal, and the stains are not coming out! So, I guess it will be a home shirt now! God Bless you all and all who survive our illnesses with a smile and a message to others to keep them positive! God Bless!

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  6. Denise Forbes-ClyneOctober 27, 2011 at 10:39 PM

    Your husband has a beautiful soul Leah and you are lucky to have him as we are all lucky to have you.

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  7. Wow!! I am crying! That is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read!! I am glad we all have you Leah and I'm glad you have such a wonderful Husband that is right there beside you!! God Bless you both!!!

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