Saturday, November 20, 2010

A Phoenix Rising From The Ash

This past week has been a hard one for me. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, name it, it was flarin'! With my high-dose Prednisone out of the way and finally taking a lot I feel human on...Fibromyalgia came back! This was a hard step-down and a brutal reminder that manic and frantic sucked but Fibromyalgia is an entirely different kind of monster. I am no longer springing out of bed at 7:30 every morning and racing out the door to walk Yorkie & Porkie. I was bad about doing yoga and that just compounded to make my pain worse. Then I felt so yuck that I don't get anything done that needs to get done...then I get stressed out that nothing is getting done...then I feel worse...what a ridiculous cycle we get on! I have a Fibro-friend that was doing pretty well managing her life. Nowhere near perfect but she had figured out a system, a routine that was allowing her to accomplish enough to feel in control and still manage her overwhelming symptoms. Then came a trip out of town and a whirlwind weekend after that and she comes home to a messy messy house and totally exhausted and has been off her game now for over a month! It is so hard to get that balance back. Others just don't understand. One little bump and a big upset to the apple cart ensues!

As I meet more and more Fibromyalgia patients I see more and more similarities between our variety of symptoms and cross-illnesses. I am beginning to see on a global scale the wisdom in under-doing it. I am also beginning to see the importance of feeling good over accomplishing. Before my strokes in July my Fibro was pretty well behaved. Then I had that insane run on Prednisone to treat the strokes and am now finding my Fibromyalgia or core exhaustion or something is not nearly as managed as it once was. It sucks! I find myself choosing between dishes and laundry again. I find myself letting stuff pile up and give me anxiety and worry. I have been taken down a few notches and am reminded how hard I fought to get my footing, how relentlessly I battled the Fibro-dragon until I was in control. I would pick myself up flare after flare and just keep going, keep building until a shuffle around the block turned into a full-weight training circuit at the gym 4 years later!

So now I must rebuild again. Like a phoenix rising up out of the ashes of the aftermath of a Fibro-burn, I HAVE TO re-focus my priorities. Sleep, exercise, a healthy diet and stress management must come first, above everything else in my life. Then I can focus on the Crusade and laundry and dishes and vacuuming and cooking and puppies and bills and all the other OH SO IMPORTANT tasks I am responsible for in life. But if I don't take care of me first, there is no one around to do those seemingly crucial duties that require a precious balance to stay on top of. Then they pile up...and stress me out...and here we go again... So I am going to make a promise to you, my readers. I am going to start taking the advice I so freely shove down your throats about keeping your Lilac and resting until you feel better. I am going to pick the 2 most important things off my life to-do list and leave the rest. I am going to go to bed before midnight! I am going to go easy on myself and not expect perfection. I will slowly chip away at my assignments, while preserving my health, so I can be around to laugh and love and do all the things in life we can have and do if we demand quality of life first. For how can you have any quality of life if you don't feel good?

Thanks for joining.,


  1. It is amazing how just changing a routine can upset the balance of one's Fibromyalgia. Sure, a physical trauma to the body is one thing but so many don't understand how the emotional trauma can sometimes be worse for one's health.

    I applaud your body and pushing on through your condition. It's not easy for us Fibro Warriors but we have to keep in mind that we deserve a better life then what FMS gives us. Stay strong and know you are not alone!

  2. I'm so glad you have come to this realization of needing to take care of yourself first and doing what you can with the rest of it. It is hard, it is SO hard to hold back, under-do rather than over-do (which we are all so good at.) The energy you got from the prednisone is a false energy but you sure used it to whip up a storm!! Thank you! Now rest my dear Leah. We all understand.

  3. Love you guys! Thanks for the support, compassion and understanding ;)