Leah, Is That You?

Today marked another decrease in the dreaded Prednisone that has been ruling my life since the strokes at the end of July, and I am feeling this one right out of the gate! This morning started out normal as usual, but about an hour in I noticed my productivity was actually that, productive! I was not bouncing around and flipping between internet screens and pushing papers from one side of my desk to the other. I was actually getting something done! I locked on to the task at hand and was quickly doing something that has not happened in a long time. Instead of re-arranging my To Do list I was actually crossing things off it! I kept powering it out...feeling so productive and efficient and pleased that things I have been gearing up to do for weeks now were suddenly getting done with focus and determination. Then I realized afternoon came and the tremor shakes did not, causing no need for a guilty 1/4 Xanax to calm myself down. Feeling pretty good I kept going, hard at work on getting The Fibromyalgia Crusade out of my imagination and into reality. Then about 8 hours in I hit a wall...

GROUCHY came to camp out and I realized I had been going at it for hours and was hot and the house was messy and I had not yet "finished" this infinite number of tasks assigned to me by me. I skipped getting pretty for the day and felt nasty and lonely and burnt-out and stiff. And it hit me...this is life without Prednisone! I have been bitching and moaning about manic and frantic for months now. I have flipped myself upside down and all around pushing out 10 hour days and keeping the house neat (never clean) and myself presentable and the puppies well-cared for and cooking good meals from scratch every night for dinner. I have talked faster then a chipmunk on fast-forward and raced around starting projects and finishing nothing. But the energy! I hated it as much as I loved it. And now that I am getting a glimmer of what life is going to be like without it...well...let's just say I am confident getting off this drug is going to be as difficult as being on it was!

I am reminded again how hard life with Fibromyalgia is. The constant ups and downs. Never waking up to be the same person every day. What victim we are to whatever drug is treating whatever condition or symptom is demanding the loudest for the moment. Fluctuating energy and mood and happiness. How hard it is to make plans and be predictable. How hard it is to even count on yourself. It dawns on me the strokes could indeed have knocked back the progress I had made in managing my Fibromyalgia, I have just had no idea because everything was hidden under the Prednisone pull of hyperactivity! So this is going to be an interesting one, friends. You are going to get to know Leah as the surly, moody, often bitchy up and down girl I have been my whole life, sin August, September and October. You will have to decide for yourselves if she is worth putting up with, and I will let you know as soon as I decide as well.

Thanks for joining,
Leah