Friday, October 15, 2010

Knocked Off My Balance

How many of us can say we take good wholesome care of ourselves? We listen to and respect our bodies, get the rest we need, minimize stress, stay positive and laugh often? Who can say we generally eat a healthy diet, exercise daily, take pride in our appearance and live in the moment? We commit to what we feel comfortable doing and say "No" to the rest without guilt, invest in a few quality relationships and take a moment out here and there to stop and smell the roses? Lemmie guess, NONE OF US??? I sure as hell don't! These are traits that seem frivolous and selfish but are actually extremely essential if you want to live a long life of good quality. Now throw Fibromyalgia into the mix and I have just made a very bad joke... Add that insomnia, constant and pervasive pain and a brain swimming in fog with normal obligations like kids, significant others, friends, family, home and work responsibilities and damn it, I have just overwhelmed myself! But it is even more essential for us Fibrates to practice them than anyone else! We have so much stacked up against us and flying at us and piling down on top of us that if we don't insist on some sort of quality of life, no one else is going to do it for us!

I have lost my balance. My morning walk consisted of a lengthy lecture from my husband booming out of the Droid about how "work obsessed" I have become. He is not getting those few precious hours a night in between work and sleep with me. I am here with you! I make sure he is fed and then sneak off to write and support and campaign my life away while he watches TV. I am staying up way past my bedtime and not getting enough sleep and he can see me slipping into a Fibro-relapse, perhaps his 2nd biggest fear in life (another stroke being the 1st). I am so lucky to have found my passion in life, I am so grateful that I am on the path I was created to walk! I know more than a few have found hope they had lost long ago because they have met up with others that struggle down the same road in life, be it through The Fibromyalgia Fun House or the blog or my Facebook page. On Wednesday night when he has acting class I am so happy I get to go from 9am to 10pm in an uninterrupted obsesso flurry of brainstorming and socializing and planning. So as he is going on and on this morning I feel that "back of the neck" headache sneaking up on me. I know he is right, but I don't want to hear it! I had promised him a few weeks back that once he comes home from work the computer goes off. We even had a plan to implement "cocktail hour", a half-hour each evening to sit in a relaxing place, usually the patio, in the summer the pool, and chat and catch up on our day and just spend that quality time together that so easily gets pushed to the back burner and off the stove of life. We did it once.

The headache and lecture put me in a bad mood all day...and then I fly into a manic fluster of domain names and copyright and trademark applications and never do my yoga, never pretty up for the day, just get grouchier and grouchier as it progresses until I wind up gorging on rosemary potatoes and Raisin Bran for lunch and passing out! Clearly I need some time to regroup. I need to find that balance. I need to remember I am the patient, too! I am so thrilled with the success of my blog and The Fibromyalgia Fun House and amazed at how fast it is growing...and how badly it was needed. I knew I had never found anything like it, guess it never crossed my mind no one else had either! But I need to set my priorities straight, put my husband before my work and my health before all else. I must figure out a way to be successful with all of my endeavors. And I need to get back on the same team as my husband, for without his support I am dead before I even begin.

Thanks for joining,


  1. Oh Leah. You must try and remember that you are merely the facilitator here. You have opened up a wonderful safe place of dialogue for people all over the world. Slowly one by one, hell even two by two people are finding this place. And they are able to connect with one another. We are all grown, for the most part ;) and can behave ourselves, find ourselves. Laugh, cry, rant and whatever else around here on our own.
    But yes; YOU too are the patient, and you must take care of yourself as we take care of ourselves too. And it is VITAL that you keep that time, that open relationship with your husband. Being ill, such as we all are is incredibly hard on us, but even harder on our partners and our relationships with them.

    So in my own personal opinion, and it is merely that, I say rest up, relax, let it all simmer, we can behave ourselves quite well, when wanting. If people need support there are so many of us here and around now, and hopefully most folks have a therapist or close friend or someone to talk to also.
    But take that time to get yourself back in balance, spend time with your husband. Take a swing around here whenever you want, but I don't really think it's nothing to obsess over.

    It is so important to take care of ourselves, and as a collective I feel that we most often forget this as we are rushing to make that deadline at work, get the kids off to school, make dinner, finish a phone call, get things ready for our doctor, the car insurance is due again, and it just goes on and on and on. But dammit! We're people too, and if we are to help others, then we need to help ourselves first. For if we cannot help ourselves, how are we to ever help others.

    Take the night off, take some asprin, rest, catch a flick with the hubby and rest easy. :)

  2. Thanks Hunter! This is my baby! But I know you all are as important a piece of this as I am so...I am going out to dinner with the husband and will see you all tomorrow!

  3. I hope you had a wonderful dinner with your husband :) Judy