Friday, April 2, 2010

Jardin Comunidad

Yo estoy buscando informacione en la computadora sobre el jardin comunidad en mi universidad. Es muy dificil, no hay nada!

I am very excited. I am feeling truly optimistic and full of awakening purpose. I think taking Spanish has unlocked a very important turning point in my life. For so long I have been very unsettled. Purposeless. Unsure of what to do next. How much can I do? What are normal expectations? Taking this Spanish class was a scramble in the beginning. It made me get my shit together just enough to be successful with it. But it got the growing awakening of my dormant capabilities stirring, and I am finding myself in a place in life where I can choose what to do with my time. I am no longer a slave to disease. Oh to just feel those words! I guess today I feel that after a long and frustrating and painful battle the blocks are finally tumbling into place, right where they should be. Lord knows not where I want them. I never wanted any of this.

Blogging was phase 2 in rebuilding Leah. Getting on here everyday (more like every few) and clarifying my feeling and thoughts and perceptions. I feel lighter, like my load is easier to carry, since I can dispel some of it onto the keyboard and watch it manifest itself on the screen of my computer. I have always loved writing. When I was in therapy in my early-mid twenties one of the assignments that helped me most was called "morning pages". Free-write a minimum of 2 handwritten pages first thing in the morning before getting out of bed, no editing, stopping, or re-reading until through. And although this is a much different process the result is somewhat the same. Therapeutic. Cathartic. There was a sadness in me that I have such a passion and talent for writing and was doing absolutely nothing to cultivate or express it. And very symbolic of the habits of my life. So starting this blog has lifted that burden as well.

It even inspired stage 3 amd I finally emailed the garden club I see on my way to school to find out about joining and planting a plot. Vegetables, sustainable agriculture, composting. Now this is a world I really want to delve into! The overwhelming feeling I have is that I am actually becoming that interesting person I have wanted to be for so long. I am eveloping talents, interests and abilities that were deep within me, and turning them into something real, something tangable. And I have done yoga the last 3 out of 4 days and got an A on my Spanish test yesterday and had a really good hair day to boot!

Thanks for joining,

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