Monday, March 15, 2010

Feelin' Not So Groovy

I got enough done today to feel productive but not provoke any symptoms, which in turn produces guilt that I am not doing enough (just stick it all in that big circular file in the sky!). Let's be honest though, I am not. My husband works long hours at a job he does not enjoy and brings home the majority of our income. I feel guilty and hopeless, and on my more focused and low-pain days I chastise my inner housewife for falling so short of domestic goddess Bree Van De Kamp's standards. I finally tackled some of my chores, though. I groomed and bathed the dog. We took a nice walk with a brief jog. I cooked dinner. I blogged. A lot. But sadly I am kind of getting used to living in a messy house. I wish I would do something about it but can't seem to bring myself to. A clean house must not be very important to me?

I am having a shingles flare-up on the left side of my face. My eye hurts really bad, the inside of my mouth is shredding and the entire left side of my face aches and throbs. This is when I start making excuses to lie around the house all day, smoking and watching TV. I took some extra lysine, an Epicor and a Valtrex. Hopefully this goes away soon. My jaw is starting to really ache. I still have tons of stuff that I did not get done today but will channel my inner Scarlet and worry about it tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day!

I have been taking an introductory Spanish class at my local community college (I studied French in high school and un poquito, or should I say un peu, in college). It is amazing! I am really enjoying learning this language and using my brain again! I feel that I was cognitively impaired for so long and am quite surprised I am able to learn and retain new information so effectively. I have taken up listening to Salsa music continually and watching a novella or two as well. It is very helpful in picking up the sound and structure of Spanish. They are very dramatic, though, it is so funny! This class is also good for my sense of obligation. It's good for me to be up and about, have somewhere I feel a personal responsibility to be. It keeps me from being cooped up in the house all the time.

Why is it so hard for me to get up in the morning, jump in the shower, walk the dog, do yoga, eat breakfast and get myself fixed up? Instead I lie in bed reading (or blogging), throw on some old thing when the dog starts bugging me to go out, and do stuff around the house all day, never getting out of my sweats or bothering to pinch my cheeks or put a ribbon in my hair. Pathetic! I am a grown woman. A wife with a home and responsibilities and standards. It is just plain embarrassing when my husband comes home from work and the bed is not made and I have not yet gotten out of my jammies. Worse to say it happens more often than I would like to admit.

Thanks for joining,

1 comment:

  1. Hi Leah! I stumbled across your blog today looking for good blogs on Fibromyalgia. I was diagnosed a little over a year ago. I cannot tell you how refreshing it is to read this post and know exactly how you feel. You are not alone in this. Like you, I have a wonderful, supportive husband who works full time and helps me around the house more than I would like to admit. I feel such guilt everyday that I dont do enough in the house and most of the time just cant bring my self to complete everything I wanted to for that day. I know how you feel and I understant 100%. I am looking forward to reading more of your blog. I have looked at so many and yours is the first one that has actually peaked my interest! It is so nice to know that I am not alone with suffereing from this "invisible" illness :) God Bless you!