Monday, December 12, 2011

Pesky Patient

I am a self-admitted pain in the behind patient. I did not used to be. I would go to the doctor when the flu lingered too long or I would catch the occasional strep throat. Saw my female doctor once a year like clockwork and my health insurance didn't have any cause to pay attention to me, for I was one of those patients they made money on. Young and healthy. WELL let me tell you what an icy cold bucket of water to the face my acceptance of modern medicine was when I got sick with something they knew nothing about. I was disabled and totally freaking out, desperate for somebody to take a look at pathetic sobbing me trying to explain pain and fatigue that is quite frankly, unexplainable. And not only understand me, but help me as well! It just was not happening.

So I became my own best advocate. Years have passed and I am much improved, certainly not disabled anymore but nowhere near able to hold down a full-time job outside the home. That is my litmus test for normal and healthy. But I am like a zipper, up and down and up and down. About the only thing that is predictable these days is a guarantee I will freak out if one single thing goes wrong, no matter how minor. And the second thing that goes wrong? That manifests a massive catastrophe that continues until I am screaming and crying and need medication to calm down. That is just not right, for I cannot function in the world at large, let alone stand to be around myself when I get like that. 

So hi-ho, hi-ho, its off to the doc I go... I made an appointment with my psychiatrist. If I have learned nothing else from all my health woes its to lean heavily on my doctors to help me get my symptoms managed. Because then and only then can I manage my illness and more importantly, my life. I explained my symptoms and we chatted. He knows me well and is now prepared for my nosy questions and challenging inquiries, along with long lectures on health disorders far beyond his specialty. He believes I have a serotonin problem. I was taking a supplement to increase the feel-good neurotransmitter and stopped, trying to trim any possible fat from the family budget. Get back on it, he says. Call me in a month if you are still angry and aggressive and we will look at other options. I leave thankful he did not put me on yet one more prescription medication. See I have a whole list of weird health issues I am trying to decipher. Like half a dozen "unrelated" problems. And I am searching high and low for information, doing as much research as I can. Slowly but surely I am seeing patterns emerge. I will keep on piecing it together and seeking wellness until I figure out the point it all stems from. I believe then, and only then, will I find my best health possible. Discovering my personal root cause of all this sickness.

Thanks for joining,


  1. This post reflects the exact way I feel. All I want is to live a normal life, to feel like a normal human being, and the vast majority of that is seeing my md and taking my meds. That's been a fact of life for me for 10 years now. In the beginning, I hated it. I still do, but I've sort of reached an agreement with myself that I will do whatever necessary to live a normal life. Whatever it takes. If that's what it takes, so be it. Being on both sides of the equation (hospital patient AND hospital staff) has certainly helped me to develop a much stronger sense of empathy, for which I am eternally grateful. I just wish sometimes that it hadn't required all the agony and suffering in order to be that kind of person. Nevertheless, I am grateful for the results.

    I wish you all the best, and that tomorrow is better than today, whatever today brought for you. Keep on writing, please. :)

  2. And if you need any help with the research part, let me know. I do a lot of looking up, reading over, etc., myself.