Thursday, December 29, 2011

Everybody Knows Her

...or him. But we all know them. Those folks who walk around life oblivious. Carefree of the problems of the world, their own comfort and happiness their primary concern. They do not cry when someone else's spouse dies or mother is stricken with cancer. A mere "how sad" is about all they will usually muster. If they are hot or cold or hungry or tired the whole world halts in its tracks to allow them to sleep or warm up or cool down or eat. No matter the inconvenience this may cause. For they have needs that must be met so why on earth would we not help them? Selfish people exist the whole world over. Some we are even married to or birthed by or are born of our own flesh and blood. Others we are friends with, work with or for whatever crazy reason are forced to deal with.

Part of me wishes I could be this way. Fibromyalgia would be so much easier if I didn't give a rats woo-ha about other people's feelings. But for whatever innate guttural reason, other people's feelings are often far more important to me than my own. I will push and sacrifice and put up with endless amounts of absurdities. I will accommodate and acquiesce to the stupidest requests, blowing my carefully constructed life apart in the process. See I seem to have, and a great many of the Fibromyalgia patients I talk to do too, this people-pleasing complex. Not so much a desire to be popular and admired the world over. It is much simpler and far deeper than that. It is a need to be needed. A need to make other people comfortable, make them happy. It is the woman scrubbing her bathtub with a herniated disc in her back, she is our poster child.

We all have selfish people in our lives. And the stress or requirements or expectations can often become too much for us to take. Or we become aware of a whole insane aspect of our lives created and affected by these people that must change. Sometimes cutting them out of our lives is not an option. Sometimes it is the only option. Managing demanding relationships is yet another major component in managing Fibromyalgia. I have learned how to become okay with people not liking me, calling me selfish, or becoming irritated with what I won't do. But it still stings and makes me mad, for I don't like to be disliked. No matter how hard it may be, though, sometimes saying goodbye, no or not today is the sanest thing a Fibrate can do.

Thanks for joining,

1 comment:

  1. I have known so many of these people. I spent 16 years working in a career field where I had to deal with people like this constantly. When I got sick with fibro I continued to try to work at the same pace I did as before which only resulted in me being bed-ridden at least one day a week. I took me months to realize that I had to back off and not take on so many of other people's problems and that I could not do everything that I used to do. I still overextend myself way more than I would like to but I now know that when I do it will be me that pays the price. One of the hardest parts of the journey of life with fibro is trying to get others to understand why we say no and why we can't do as much as we used to do.