Saturday, May 7, 2011

One Good Day And You Are Ready To Give Your Lilac Away

I am making more and more friends with Fibromyalgia, and I am noticing something. We seem to be blessed with a decidedly short-term memory impairment. Even 1 good day after 5 days in an Amethyst cavern and it's like SHOWTIME! We begin the great race to catch-up on everything we are so horribly behind on. Laundry, cleaning, correspondence, work...does not really matter what it is, the point is we so easily forget the pain from the previous flare and darn it if we don't induce another one with our bevy of activity! I am queen of this melodrama. So sick and tired of having to sit around all the time, I spring up and leap at the chance to accomplish, contribute, not be dependent. But after a short while, as the pain starts to creep back up and I realize I have overdone it, the beginning of a flare rears its ugly dragon head.

So in the midst of this struggle, flare vs. the world, you promise yourself that if you are ever lucky or blessed enough to bask in fields of Lilac again, you will not squander it. You will spend it nurturing yourself so it lasts a really long time, as long as possible. And you will have fun with it. You will not do chores, you will not overburden yourself with "catch-up". You will connect with those you love, feel comfort and pride in who you are, laugh freely and often. But the second that Lilac comes... The cycle continues. Is this the doomed life cycle of a Fibrate? At least the reformed type A sector? Can I end this madness? Can I just feel good and not be in pain? Ever?

One day, my friends, we will. One day we will not have pain every day, every moment of every breathing second of life. We will run and jump and skip across fields of Lilacs and feel no more pain. For if we don't have this hope it is impossible to go on. So I cling to it, believe in it, strive for it, work for it. I know my quality of life will improve, and if I adjust my mindset in the meanwhile, accepting I am still valuable and wonderful as I am, I can endure until that time.

Thanks for joining,


  1. Oh wisely spoken Leah. Today was my Lilac day, tonite, not so good.

  2. it's def. the type A's... we can't accept doing nothing =p

  3. Leah, I just found your blog and after about 5 minutes skimming through your posts I feel like you are my voice of explanation! I am sooooo following you! I just got diagnosed and it has been so weird figuring it all out and putting my feelings into words!!! You are AMAZING!!! Please check out my blog: I also live in AZ and am 34!... I think we should be friends!!! :)