FPT

It takes me a long time to get stuff done. I am talking about normal stuff that used to take the blink of an eye to complete. Returning an email, checking my messages (a GRAND pet-peeve of mine, I don't know why), getting myself fixed-up to get out the door. Every moment of my life I have to weigh my actions against my well-being and in a fluster of rushed analysis decide if I can complete what is in front of me during the time allotted to complete it in. Frequently that itself is a complex equation and releases a flood of pressure on my already confused and delicate central nervous system. This immediately results in a frenzy of stress and in about 2 seconds I am horribly overwhelmed and racing to the Xanax bottle...which should be the meditation CD but I just don't have the time!

So a while back I recognized this new and disturbing pattern and started making room in my life for the fact that I am slower, I don't move as fast as others do, or nearly as fast as I used to. My sense of time is distorted and I will make a list 20 activities long, only to be able to complete 2 in a day. As I adjusted to this, and REALLY made an effort to stop being late to every doctor appointment, I got used to running at a little bit of a slower pace. I accepted that this is part of who I am now, and instead of stressing out and beating myself up I attempted to commit to less and allow more time. I got so comfortable with my newly-adapted time-frames that finally, one day, when my husband yelled "How much longer?" for the 20th time at me as I was getting ready, I finally got up, poked him in the nose and told him I would be ready when I was GOOD and ready and to stop hollarin' at me every 3 minutes, for good riddance! I run on Fibro Patient Time, and am not getting stressed out about it anymore! He looked at me in surprise and we both burst out laughing. "Fibro Patient Time, that is a good one!" he proclaimed.

Since that day I operate on what I call FPT. Yes it is my responsibility to allow enough time and not hold others up, but following that warning, I don't want to be rushed anymore! I don't want the stress that comes from committing to too much, both in and out of my house. I want the reality of what it takes for a Fibrate to get things done to be respected! Like I have learned crossing off 2 things on that To-Do list trailing to the sky is an accomplishment and something to be proud of, I want the exorbitant amount of time it takes me to get things done to be recognized as a sign of my illness, not my laziness. I need others to not take it personally when I call them back 2 weeks later or send that thank you note from Christmas in June. It is not that I love and respect you any less, it is just that it takes me flippin' forever to get things done! Just as the Purple Pain Code has given us a way to express the severity of our symptoms, FPT gives us an allowance to run at a slower pace than the rest racing around the globe at lightening speed. And just like we have recognized pain-killers are usually just pain-dullers, it reminds us, and those we love, know or just have to interact with that yet another area of our life is deeply affected by Fibromylagia.

Thanks for joining,

Leah