On Sunday I felt pretty good. The flare cycle kicked in on Monday, which begins with a heavy dose of "everything is awful." I don't feel great, per se, but seem to exist in a billowing cloud of negativity more than being physically afflicted. Also, pretty consistently on day one, I seem to be filled with an unquenchable desire to quit my job. I mean, it is making me sick. Not in a life-shattering way, but in that "six-months ago I was a lot healthier" kind of way. It's also slowing down the progress of finishing my book, usurping my creativity, and making me fraternize with a sector of society I'd much rather prefer to ignore. Usually at the end of day one I start romanticizing the failed experiment that was me as a housewife, until I talk up the whole experience enough that it starts to sound like a pretty sweet option again.
Never mind the small details that I need to work in order to pay my bills, or have improved in different ways in leaps and bounds since returning to retail, or was horribly isolated and lonely before commencing said employment. Nope, on day one I start fantasizing about how if I didn't have to go pimp lipstick for a buck, I'd go to the gym every single day. I'd start going to yoga class instead of doing my DVD at home, and meet all sorts of friends I somehow missed when I didn't work before. Then I'd stop at the grocery store on my way home and bargain shop, something my husband isn't terribly gifted at. And my house would be spotlessly clean, and dogs would be perfectly groomed at all times, and I'd blog not just once, but twice a day...
By day two, when I really just want to bury my head in the sand and ignore both my illness and my life, I get a grip on my unrealistic ambition to replace Donna Reed. I recognize that even if given the opportunity, I'd still suck at housewivery and have more clothes in the hamper than motivation to wash them. And ultimately, at the end of the day, I'd still be sick. So I might as well keep my connection to the outside world and suffer a little less stress on bill day.
Thanks for joining,
Leah
Hi Leah, I have recently been hired as a school van driver. I will start training next week. So, my "plan" is,do the morning run,go to the gym,stop at home to get some things done,then go back and do the afternoon run. Sounds like a great "plan" right? Can you pick up on my sarcasm? Care to make a bet on how many of those days, I will go home and curl up in my cozy bed. Especially when the freezing weather comes. But,I am looking forward to getting out of my comfort zone. I need to work to pay bills,but I really do need to get out. So wish me luck. And I wish you luck, as well.I want to thank you for the effort you put into your blogs. Not everyone(me)has someone to talk to who really understands. You are doing a good thing here. And I know it must sometimes feel like an extra burden.i feel that way just journaling. So thank you so very much. Take care,and my best to you. Xoxo
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