I've finally admitted something has to change, which is a really big step. Over the last four months, as my health has spiraled out of my control, I have spent a lot of time blaming myself for my challenges. If I were only stronger and more disciplined, or ate cleaner and exercised more, or could just stiffen my trembling upper lip and not take everything so personally, or could stand on my head while gargling... Needless to say, the games I've been playing with me have gotten me exactly where they always have-- sick and failing miserably.
Except I'm not choosing to view this as a failure. This is a grand learning experience I had to try. I had to know if I could slip back into a fraction of my former life without crumbling. Sadly, I can't, but that's not something anybody could have discovered for me. It's something I had to figure out for myself. While today I'm not terribly pleased with the outcome, once I've figured out a way to extract myself from the madness and catch my wits, I'm pretty certain the purpose in all this upheaval will become astoundingly clear.
Thanks for joining,
Leah
Leah, we never know until we try. I too, very stubborn and hard headed and never in my life let anything get the best of me. Well cannot say that anymore âs this has totally kicked my butt. But I keep plugging along with big hours and dreams in my mind and that is where they pretty much stay in my mind.
ReplyDeleteLeah, CONGRATULATIONS! It's difficult to see clearly what's happening while you are going through it. So much easier when someone is looking in from the outside. I'm so happy for you. No fail here for sure. Big smile on m face. Please keep us posted on what your next steps out of the madness are and how wonderful it will feel to catch your wits!
ReplyDeleteThe only failure is not trying in the first place. We just have to change some. I cant do as much as I used to but I can now do things that I didnt back then. The big word is change. Its hard but remember how far you've come not just how far you have to go.
ReplyDeleteThe only failure is not trying in the first place. We just have to change some. I cant do as much as I used to but I can now do things that I didnt back then. The big word is change. Its hard but remember how far you've come not just how far you have to go.
ReplyDelete