Thursday, September 8, 2011

Wisdom In The Cliche

Life is too important to be taken seriously. ~Oscar Wilde

There were many many years where I would have rolled my eyes at ol' Oscar up there and gotten irritated, finding no humor in the phrasing. I found no humor in anything, quite frankly, because I was in severe constant and pervasive pain throughout my entire body at all times, day and night. So that pretty much negated fun, humor or anything anybody else really wanted to be around. But no one wanted away from me badder than me! Unfortunately no pill, exercise or tub of hot water in the land would make it go away. The pain that is, not me. The shadow that cast around my aura was dark and ugly, for I was tentatively swimming through murky waters with nothing but fear and survival to guide me. Oh but that survival of the human spirit is strong, because somehow survive it I did!

It was not on my own strength, nor that of my friends and family, though without them it would not have happened. It was not a brilliant doctor or a miraculous medication, though without those, too, it would not be possible. So what was it, tell me please, you must say! And all I can tell you is it was a quest. A never-ending quest to stop feeling worse than death! Because the woman that writes these words to you today is not the same woman who was given a Fibromyalgia diagnosis and left to figure out how to get better all on her own. That woman was crazy, desperate, hopeless. I had to knit decent medical care together like a patchwork quilt. During a fabric shortage. You would not like the woman I was back then very much. I know I didn't, and battled her out of me any and every way possible. It took a long time and an unwillingness to quit, I suppose.

I was recently chatting with a friend, someone a few years younger than me. She was giving me her schedule of life to come. Get married at this age, have a baby at this one. Second baby when I am this old and then...I kinda tuned her out at this point. I wanted to shake her hard and tell her life does not work that way! You have to take it as it comes, it is not something one can dictate or plan with any certainty. You make the best choices you can at the time in any given situation and hang on tight! But perhaps I am wrong and that is just how it happened to me. Maybe life can be a series of calculated choices falling right in line with the expected plan. And we can run around all uptight and make sure life stays on that plan, taking ourselves far too seriously. Or we can do it different. Seems to me, my fellow Fibrates, we don't have much of a choice. We have to do it different! All I know is I could not tolerate living life sick and have done everything possible to not have to take it all so seriously, because it just hurts so damn much. The first step there was believing it was possible.

Thanks for joining,

No comments:

Post a Comment