I Am Sick To My Stomach

Actually, I feel that I have been punched in the gut. I am really second guessing my choices. What I have spent nearly the last year of my life doing. To me this is so basic, so simple. But I guess my communication methods lack emphasis or something...because a hailstorm of shit is pelting down around me and I have nowhere to duck and cover. My little Fun House has been in major disarray. It was hijacked from a place of hope and inspiration and dropped off as one of confusion and chaos. It seemed to happen overnight, but I am sure it took quite a few months from when the seeds were planted for the fruits to have sprouted. It was not one person so much as a collective blanket settling around us. So I have been posting notes and requests and rules and regulations and guidelines and really just a bunch of darn pleas to...please just be pleasant. Don't be loud or obnoxious. Don't be bossy or controlling. Come in and observe, check out the environment and pay attention to the established order. Don't come in and define its purpose. This is its purpose. People go to that page because they like reading my blog. If you don't like reading my blog I can't see why you wold be there? But all my efforts have done is confuse everyone and scare people off.

And a private exchange with a longtime friend yesterday made me realize what has happened. A good portion of the folks that started out with me last September are doing leaps and bounds better. No Fibromyalgia is not gone, but it has receded out of the primary spot light. Life is a little bit more livable, symptoms have ceased to define every moment of every hour of every day. As I carried on and on about how life can be better, a certain quality can be restored if you took responsibility and found a doctor to actually help you and find some friends that have Fibro to talk to and pay attention to how much you eat, exercise, stress and sleep and try with all your might to manage the beast. And new folks have come in, each in varying stages of knowledge and acceptance on their Fibro journey. People were nice so they stayed a little while, eventually set up camp and called it home. But I was not equipped to properly deal with the depth of guidance these new friends needed. I was trying to spread awareness with a message of hope and sunshine. Some were so far removed from that place that a huge clash of purpose emerged.

So this is what The Fun House is: A positive support page with neutral religious and political views that consists of Fibromyalgia patients that like to read this blog, want to take charge of their health and try to heal just a little bit. People that are free to vent and cry and lighten their load with a little laughter from their friends. If this is not what you are looking for, kindly move on. Please do not insult the page or people on it because you don't get the point. It is named The Fibromyalgia Fun House for a reason. I have ripped open my entire life for all to see on the pages of this blog. Those that know me through reading my blogs have no problem with my requests, for they are just the unstated obvious. Those that don't are the ones that just don't understand. So I am not going away, and nether is The Fibromyalgia Fun House on Facebook. I am going to keep writing my blogs and promoting awareness of Fibromyalgia. I am going to keep on keepin' on. Because that is just what we do.

Thanks for joining,

Leah