This past weekend I had a rather enlightening experience. It really opened my eyes to what's been going on with me emotionally as of late. On Saturday evening my husband and I gathered our vices and went down to the hot tub. We were nothing more than two hardworking individuals anticipating a much-needed infusion of relaxation and rejuvenation. So he with his scotch and cigar, and me with my Dos Equis, settled in to watch the sunset and pretend we were on vacation, since it's usually the only time I imbibe with the sun still up.
Unfortunately, when we got down there, things started going wrong right away. The jets were broken, which was annoying. The Spotify app wasn't working correctly, and we immediately started bickering over which phone to hook up to our portable speaker, playlist to listen to, and song to enjoy, even though none of it was functioning. Mind you, as we launched into a full-fledged attack of, "I'm right, you're wrong," the sun was rapidly descending in the sky. By the time we got a grip and stopped poking at each other, there were precious few minutes left to watch the flaming globe disappear into the horizon. So with precision I aggressively hurled all my expectations of relaxation into those fledgling last moments...
Do I really need to admit the night only went downhill from there? On Sunday morning we hashed it out, and realized two people who race around nonstop trying to accomplish life couldn't just relax on a dime. More to the point, I realized precisely what I've been doing that's making me that uptight, stressed-out freak-show I've been complaining about as of late. In my attempt to regain as much of my life as my new-found health will allow, I'm aggressively trying to reclaim everything I lost. Not what's important, realistic or necessary, but all of it. And it's making me crazy, ungrateful and negative. With a profound exhale I readjusted my mentality, and have spent the last few days really trying to slow down, smell the freakin' roses, and be grateful for what I have. Without aggressively needing more.
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