Guilty As Charged

I am quite upset about something relatively minor in the grand scheme of life, but still kinda a big deal to my here and now. Last fall I got one of those photo-radar tickets everyone is in such an uproar about. I was speeding my way home from getting my blood drawn and they nabbed me. However, I did not receive this ticket in the mail until this January. Well I sure learned what that uproar everyone was all upset about is, considering the date for me to have addressed this matter had long since come and gone. After verifying there was not a warrant out for my arrest I petitioned the court for an extension to complete traffic school and it was granted. And then I proceeded to spend the last month, much like most of my months since I had the strokes, flipping inside-out and upside-down about every single challenge, big and small alike, I encounter on a daily basis. 

By the time I looked at the paperwork from the court close enough I was within seven days of my court date, and I didn't even know they did this, but traffic school would not let me attend! So I flipped. Kinda. Because I realized all the flipping out I have done in the last month over issues which either work themselves out or go on to become what they are, well, its distracted me from doing something quite important. Going to traffic school! This made me sad. And mad. At Fibromyalgia, me, my life, my many other sicknesses, our financial issues, familial issues, marital issues, pretty much everything that has taken precedent over me taking care of me. Or more to the point, I have allowed to take precedent.

So I made a decision. To pick myself up by the bootstraps of my big girl panties and deal with it. Pay the fine, take the hit on my driving record and not freak out. The world will not cease to orbit on its axis over this one. I know I can't go head to head with a judge to get it extended because I really have no good excuse, or one that would not raise question to my right to have a drivers license in the first place. So it is today I truly learned the meaning of the phase choose your battles. I don't have a toddler or teenager to have taught me this lesson already, and quite frankly in marriage think it only leads to resentment. But I have not been picking my battles in life. I have forgotten how to roll things off my back, not take everything personally, ignore the bullshit and laugh in the face of absurdity. You know, not sweat the small stuff. Because at the end of the day very few things are not the small stuff.

Thanks for joining,

Leah