For the woman who loves Mondays, simply because they offer a clean slate to do better, you betcha I'm thrilled it's a new year. While I'm not quite in 'resolution' mode, I am hell bent and determined to implement two changes in my life. The first is to stop reacting. To anything and everything. Always. Forever and ever. This doesn't mean if some horrible tragedy befalls a loved one I can't cry, but it does mean I can't run around like Chicken Little holding my wounded head and declaring to anyone and everyone that the world is ending. Which is something I frequently do. But it hasn't ended yet, hence the resolution to stop reacting.
The other change I'm striving for is to finally, once and for all, no ifs ands or buts, get myself on a normal schedule. Staying up till after two in the morning, then sleeping till eleven the next day, is completely annihilating my ability to move my life forward. The problem is it's frequently hard for me to fall asleep, and I'd rather stay up until my face is planting in the keyboard with exhaustion, anyway. The late night is when I do my best writing. But I guess I'm growing up, or something equally awful, because what my late nights are costing me is the ability to resume a high degree of normal living.
Herein lies the problem. When I don't get enough sleep I flare, which for me starts with the most scathing case of 'devil woman' mood. Not only do I want to obliterate any and every person on Earth I've actually met before, but the entire planet, as well. Next I get really hopeless and lose my faith in any sort of a future, which usually prompts me to don my chicken costume and run around holding my wounded head, declaring to anyone and everyone that the world is ending. This stupid cycle has reprized so many times I can't take it anymore. So I've just gottta bite the bullet and overcome this absurd pattern. Try and go to bed as early as I can, painfully vacate dreamland when my alarm goes off way too soon, and expect the flares. I mean, if I know they're coming anyway, can't I just not react?
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