Tuesday, October 30, 2012

A Million Different Things

I am well aware I irritate people when they ask me what I did to get my Fibromyalgia managed. Hell, if I wasn't me my standard answer of "a million different things" would piss me off too. This is a life wrecking illness for so many and the desperation it can coax out of a person, well it's pretty intense. After I got sick and my inclination to curl up in a ball and die became futile I searched high and low for that answer myself. I couldn't find it, though. There were plenty of people selling the cure, or preaching a school of thought. No shortage of books to read and opinions from fellow-patients and strangers alike. But none of them fixed me. Waved a magic wand over my head and sent me back to life with a swift pat on the behind. They all just confused me. Made me feel bad about myself because I wasn't able to brush this off and go about my business. Inflamed self-doubt and flagellation because so many people made it sound as simple as a decision, one I was just too weak or stubborn or oblivious to make.

In the beginning I didn't know what to do with myself. I was raised on modern medicine. When I got sick I went to the doctor and they fixed me. Sometimes it was a pill or advice to rest, a couple of times a surgery, some hospitalizations thrown in for good measure. But I always rebounded, bounced right back to where I left off, so I didn't have much reason to question them. Then my eyes were peeled open by rubbing sand in them. I got very sick and not only could my doctor not tell me why or what to do, they didn't even seem to care! Treated me like I was a nuisance when I thought I was dying the slowest, most painful death imaginable. Well when the going gets tough the tough starts learning how to survive, and that is what I did. It took me many years and countless efforts to break through the deep sickness my body was bound in. And I am still sick today, but not at all like I was then. Knowing what I know now I couldn't find the answer because there was no one answer. I really can't say any one or five or ten things did it. It's far more about what didn't I do, than any one thing I actually did. I darn near deconstructed every aspect of my humanity and put it back together again, with many enormous setbacks along the way. 

At some point throughout this whole process I became a health conspiracy theorist. It was a gradual shift, subtle at first. But the more I learned the more confused I became about the life I lived. Information like artificial sweetener and birth control pills being bad for me didn't make any sense. Isn't that what the FDA is for? Now I laugh, for I had no clue what was in store for me or how quickly I would abandon blind faith and start thinking for myself. The more I read and studied the more what I was learning started making sense and the more I changed. As a natural skeptic I challenged what I learned every step of the way against my own reasoning and practical experience. No one doctrine swept me up and enraptured me with it's truth. Instead little bits of awareness started to break through the pain and sickness as I started to find my truth. So I still have no one answer, I have a lifestyle. I'm greedy. Modern, holistic, alternative, complimentary, if it works for me I use it. My illness is managed because my life is managed. Seven years in I am starting to find my smile again, my joy. Lightness in my heart that was weighed down with the burden of sick for so long. Now I can look back and thank my lucky stars I've survived this, not stomp around in bitter anger that this is my life. But it has taken me so incredibly much to get here and a lot of stomping bitterness lies in the wake of my path.

So how did I get my Fibromyalgia managed? I opened my mind and didn't give up. These are the books woven into the tapestry of my life which led to or inspired the million different things I directly or indirectly did to get managed. I've found with this illness no two journeys are the same. Each person has to seek and find their truth, which undoubtedly is not the same as mine. I receive no kickbacks for posting these titles and am not linking them to any websites because I don't give a rats woo-ha where or if you buy them. But for those who really want to know, this is what laid the foundation of my journey back to health... 

-From Fatigued To Fantastic by Jacob Teitelbaum, M.D.
-The Body Ecology Diet by Donna Gates and Linda Schatz
-Solar Power For Optimal Health by Marc Sorenson, EdD.
-The Maker's Diet by Jordan S.Rubin, N.M.D., Ph.D.
-Ageless by Suzanne Somers
-You On A Diet by Michael F. Roizen, M.D. and Mehmet C. Oz, M.D.
-The Master Cleanser by Stanley Burroughs

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