Saturday, June 12, 2010

Bad Bad Girl

I don't feel that I indulge my bad side anymore. For years, starting at 14 and ending at 28, this chica partied a lot. It started in high school and just kept on rollin' into college then marriage then adulthood. It was not until my 3rd pancreatitis attack that I hung up my bar stool and learned how to deal with my problems sin alcohol. Alcohol is in no way responsible for causing my pancreatitis, just the worst thing you can consume if you have pancreatitis. The experience was so brutal and the threat of death so impending that it finally caught my attention. I knew I had to take responsibility of my health and gave up drinking for 9 long months. On our 4th wedding anniversary we went to a beautiful restaurant tucked into a beautiful cove on the beautiful northern California coast line. I ordered a gorgeous glass of Pinot Noir and gazed at the orange-glowing ball of sun setting on the horizon as I sipped heaven from a glass. When I told my mother later on that I had finally had a glass of wine she said, "I bet it was so good!" and I told her "Yes, it was truly amazing!".

It is starting to dawn on me that Fibromyalgia is my bad side now. Since I have gotten sick it has absorbed every "bad for you" action I can do and beaten me to the punch every single time. Life is a balance of the yin & yang, and a productive person can only allow so much indulgence before the scales tip. But a person that is forced to be lazy or sleepy or unproductive by elements beyond their control, where does it give? When I indulge Fibromyalgia I confuse it with indulging myself, so when it comes time to blow off some steam and really have a good time I am full of guilt and should not's or not a good idea's. But all along I have been neglecting the real need for indulgence. That little bit that lives inside everybody. The part that sticks to the rest of your progressive, do-gooder life and feeds your soul with the danger, excitement or joy you just cannot find anywhere else.

Thanks for joining,

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