Fit To Be Tied

Yesterday was not a good day, not a good day at all. I woke up with horrible flu symptoms. A sick taste in my mouth, sore throat, loads of aches and pains and lots of other ickies too. But the worst of all seemed to be my mood. I turned viscous, anger billowing smoke out my ears like a raging bull released from a pen. I tried to override these feelings of hopelessness and despair. I told myself this too will pass, unhappiness is temporary, allowing myself to feel my feelings meant I could then let them go. I didn't believe me, though. The immediacy of my reality was too intense. Trying to distract myself I flipped through some unopened mail. I spotted an unfamiliar letter with curiosity but totally freaked after opening the envelope to discover I had been sent to collections by a medical provider. Oops, my mistake, I forgot about that little thing called a deductible. Ironically I had sent the payment that very morning. So do I have to pay twice? Wow did I get mad! All that misery swallowing up my day found it's pressure release valve. I cried and pounded the desk with my fist. Trying to remind myself I was overreacting was futile. My anguish was unbearable and I thought I'd never calm down. However slowly but surely I did. My tears dried, breathing returned to normal and for the most part, so did my mood. Man do I give mood swings a new name!

Part of the reason I got so upset was this letter opened an old wound. One of those things in life you just have to "get over" because you don't have a choice. A few years back I was making small payments on a big bill for a hospitalization. Then one morning I answered the phone and you betcha it was a collections agent newly assigned to the bill I had been paying down. I received absolutely no notification but the hospital turned my debt over anyway. Well I was furious. I had been violated and I was pissed. Why didn't they tell me this was gonna happen if I didn't cough up thousands in outstanding balance? They claimed to have sent numerous letters and left a number of phone messages, but it was all lies. I demanded proof of action and they stopped communicating with me. I wrote letters to the hospital board and argued my way up the food chain. I can be quite a little pill when I feel my rights have been trampled on. Ultimately it was all for nothing because at the end of my abundant protesting their action stood. Short of getting a lawyer and suing them I had little recourse. Suck it up, sweetheart! This is the game of life. Man was that a tough one to swallow.

There are many times in life justice has not been served but I was too sick to do anything about it. The stress alone so disruptive to my quality of life it was like an assault all on its own. Something may not be fair, right or acceptable but the price of doing something about it is simply too high. Many times I've had no other choice but to "get over" a major injustice in the best interest of my health. They say don't sweat the small stuff, it's all small stuff. Well sometimes it isn't all that small, but by not getting over it, releasing the anger, I make it so much bigger than it could be. Today is better. Lucky for me I don't have the flu and the doctor agreed to accept my payment already sent in the mail. So I guess I can chalk up yesterday as just another Amethyst Monday. If I look on the bright side my week is improving already!

Thanks for joining,

Leah