And So I Try

I'm on a mission of self-improvement. The life I'm living isn't one I want to keep investing in. Instead of continuing to make excuses for myself, all the while growing increasingly more miserable, I'm determined to do something about it. Concurrently I have a chronic illness that kind of does what it wants regardless of how well I take care of myself. Which these days isn't all that great. The result is my life is pretty much a joke. What can I do but try?

This is a good example that kinda sums up my reality. It concerns my lack of regular exercise. I used to be in shape and while I'm not anymore, I'm still capable of getting through a yoga or weightlifting session before coming home to die in private. When I had surgery my doctor said to take two weeks off all exercise. Last Monday would have been 17 days post-surgery. It was also the first Monday in the new year AND decade. Didn't everybody plan on exercising last Monday? Well I didn't do yoga until Friday, when my fibro pain got so bad I had no choice but to force myself through an agonizing practice, the relief I anticipated afterward my ultimate reward. Except the pain emanating from my low back ever since is not a reward, it's a disabling punishment. Now I'm a rotation of heat, ice, and ibuprofen who can't get off the sofa. Sigh. I tried.

On a good note here's what I did last week to move my life forward. I joined both the library and a second book club. I set my alarm for 10:30 a.m. every morning. I resumed drinking coffee right after waking up instead of waiting. While it's giving me more energy in the morning, and more of a drive to start my day, it's wreaking havoc on intermittent fasting. Yes, I've gained a few temporary pounds back. Also I've started listening to this really hardcore, ex-Navy Seal, excuses-don't-exist motivational speaker while I put on my makeup. I don't know what he's doing to my brain but at least I'm putting on makeup. And I'm writing this blog. Knowing I had to put something on these pages kept me accountable. I can't yet tell if it's stemming from sheer embarrassment or an honest desire to improve myself, but with week one and some tiny accomplishments under my belt I did what I set out to do. I tried.

Thanks for joining,

Leah