Thursday, October 5, 2017

Which Way to Something Better

On Monday the culmination of everything this broken world is hurling around shook me to my core. A defining artist of my generation passed away on the same day my fellow countrymen were massacred in an unconscionable act of violence. Again. Giving in to my grief, I walked around all day listening to Tom Petty while sobbing. Incredible memories from my youth surged through my mind. Sorrow for those robbed of the right to make future memories consumed me. My emotions were raw, ugly, and bewildered. I was up well into the night accompanied by two faithful friends: a bottle of old-vine zinfandel and my rock mix on Spotify. As my ears journeyed through sweet recollections of coming up in the '80s and '90s, my heart refused to accept the hate ruling the '00s and '10s. I met dawn's light no closer to digesting 2017's reality and spent Tuesday utterly shook.

It took losing Tom Petty to realize what he and his Heartbreakers meant to me. I've been so wrapped up in the combined misery of adulthood and sickness for so long, I forgot about all the years I was fortunate enough to have my health. There were twenty-eight of them, and Tom Petty was in the background while I was creating memories during every single one. They recorded "American Girl" the year I was born. Wildflowers was released the year I graduated from high school. There's nary a stage of life I don't attach to a Tom Petty song.

I've listened to his catalog on a continual loop for the past four days. The tears have not stopped. Staggering amounts of grief are pouring out of me, for many different reasons. It's easy to remember why this artist left such an indelible mark on my life: Tom Petty taught me about the world. For three decades I listened to his voice sing tales of love and pain. Truth and consequence. Injustice and perseverance. His intricate storytelling told through the vehicle of easy lyrics and mellow rock 'n' roll spoke so much more than volumes. They explained the human condition. They spoke verity and in doing so, shaped mine.

I stopped telling my truth a long time ago because I got scared. People can be mean. But I'm not special. Everyone all over the internet, and seemingly the world, are collectively awful to each other. So screw it. I want my voice back. I need to proclaim my truth; I'm desperate to figure out how to get my life back. Lots of people lost their voices on Monday. I'm no longer giving up mine.

Think of me what you will 
I've got a little space to fill
"You Don't Know How it Feels"
-Tom Petty

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