For many Fibromyalgia patients this illness is not the only one we face, and there are many other aspects to every person's life besides health. There is love and family and feelings and survival. Watching life inflict it's brutal blows on those we hold near and dear. Struggling to find a way to support our own, prosper and enjoy some of the goodness of all things great and small the progress of humanity has gifted us with. There are choices to be made and even when choosing right, are often consequences to be paid. Balancing what was, is, can be and will be is a challenge all its own. No, the human condition is not small. It is rich with complexities and plenty of things that happen we have no control over. Fine and dandy when life goes right, but far too many times we are left standing amid destruction asking, "Why me?"
Who in the world knows? We don't have knowledge of the absolute. What we have is faith and beliefs and science and traditions, ways to explain the reason the human animal roams the earth in all of our infinite superiority. Bad things happen to good people, and sometimes they don't just happen, they keep happening again and again until what should be a strong and capable individual is beat down and ready to fold. But we are nothing if not resilient! The instinct to stay alive keeps many keepin' on, often well past the logical point of no return. But the battered and bruised bottom is a very hard place to climb out of, especially when one keeps landing there again and again and again. What to do with the devastation, pain, heartache and bitterness? Is it all for naught?
On my good days I say no, my trials have shaped me. I am who I am because of what I have withstood, and will continue to grow into who I am meant to be through each new challenge. Not that what went so terribly wrong is good, but it can still be used for good. I am far less generous on my bad days. Sometimes those days can seep into weeks and months and even years, and before I know it I've forgotten how to smile. Life has lost it's luster, become a chore, no better than something to endure. The only way I know how to survive those times is not to pretend they don't happen, because they do. It is not to prophesy they won't come again, because they might. But in admitting my weakness I can find my strength, by confessing I can't bear my burden alone I can find my faith, and hopefully the glimmer of a better tomorrow. Clinging to the belief that under the thorny path I stumble lies my yellow brick road. Life can be unpredictable, unforgiving, often painful and for the fortunate it is long. And only going in one direction, forward.
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