Friday, June 10, 2011

Where Does Your Drama Come From?

I have taken part in my share of drama, theatrics and scandalizing behavior over the years. I understand we all don't always make the best choices for ourselves and often pay steep consequences. But in my late 20's I started getting sick, and my ability to envelope myself in self-induced drama dwindled as real, constant and pervasive chaos in the form of pain and exhaustion consumed me. I laid down the attention-seeking, histrionic-fueled and self-destructive blips on my radar and started making good choices, purely out of necessity. The price I suffered was way too great if I did not. And slowly but surely the friends in my life that fed off that hectic lifestyle fell away, seeking out new folks to bounce on the trampoline of crazy living with. Luckily a few stayed, mostly the solid, progressive, forward-thinking relationships I had forged. Those that could wrap their brain around sickness and limitation and were compassionate and understanding. This was but a small handful. Well six years in, I am glad to report the majority of the life-sucking drama-causing anguish-fueled relationships have fallen away. And for this I am glad. For I just can't dance that tango anymore. My hips can't take it!

I have to admit it is hard for me to sympathetically listen as one cries about a big zit keeping them from partying it up on Friday night. Or another escapade as their already-cheated-on-them boyfriend takes 'em on yet one more round of betrayal. Perhaps needing that new pair of Louboutin's they don't have your size in right now is just not something I can relate to. I understand that problems are relative to the people they are creating a problem for, but if you pile every single stress I have ever had in my entire life on me it still would not be as damaging or incomprehensible as being chronically ill and in pain at all times. Fibromyalgia is so outrageously horrible. And I only ever truly grasp that when the first bad day, on the other side of a few good ones, has done me in. This is perhaps the most filppin' ridiculous illness to try and live with! Flares, insomnia, confusion, senses springing off your body! Pain. Oh my the pain! Stomach problems and hormonal problems and these are but a few of the physical problems, I have not even delved into the emotional. Or practical, like how do you pick up your toddler or maintain a job with any regularity? So no, getting my panties all wound up about darn near four-figure pumps is not something I can much relate to, even if they are really really beautiful.

I believe I can heal from this. I believe that my symptoms can be managed to the point that Fibromyalgia is not center stage in my life. I believe in a better tomorrow for us all...someday. See Fibromyalgia thrives in the face of chaos, confusion, misery, blame, self-doubt and guilt. But it is thwarted by acceptance, pacing, self-assurance, avoiding stress and believe it or not, fighting to squash its ugly head! Do I miss those friends, that drama? Sometimes I do! For it represents a normal long forgotten. But the person Fibromyalgia has forged me into is glad to be done with those emotional ups and downs. My illness gives me plenty of her own. So folks hang in there and be strong! You are seriously sick, so don't take no for an answer. Find a doctor that will help you manage your illness. And figure out how to manage your life so you can create an environment poised for healing and wellness. You must work together as a team to get your symptoms managed.  Keep searching until you feel better.  They may not know cause-and-cure yet but don't let that snatch away your quality of life. Do you see anyone standing around you right now determined to figure your life out, instruct you on how to get better? I know for me the only person that did that was me.

Thanks for joining,


  1. Loving this post! Wise, insightful and honest once again. :) Thank you for sharing!

  2. Leah, I've never heard that CFS is a viral infection..only an autoimmune disease. Do you have yours cured? I noticed you said you survived it with your strokes, etc. I have 6 autoimmune diseases but the CFS keeps me zapped! Any info or advice is appreciated. Thank You! Wishing you alot of pain free days.

  3. That was brilliant and I can't wait to read it to my husband. Him and my children support and comfort me on days I can barely get out of bed...

  4. It is hard to be rid of drama, when all the drama comes from your family, but I've had to make a choice, because the Fibro is killing me. One thing about this illness, is that, it teaches you to be rid of the needless crapola in your life, and appreciate what is good. Great blog, once again. I embrace your every word for support. Thank God for you.