It’s not what happens to you, but how you respond that matters. ~Epictetus
I got sick and nobody could tell me what was wrong with me. So I decided I didn't have the time, money or luxury of being sick. I pushed into a horrible crash. Breaking down, disabled, a complete and total mess. Oh it was bad. My mom came to stay with me for a few days so my husband could go to work. I was not mentally stable enough to be left alone. Feelings of wanting to die, cease to exist and not feel the pain or anguish overtake me, well I needed darn near full-time supervision. So mom came to the rescue. After a handful of days I was reasonably certain I was going to survive. I was not sure how, but the acute crisis was over.
Mom's next stop was to help her good friend who just had surgery. I knew this woman, had worked for her years before. Back then she was a young widow with two little sons, a kind and dear soul who did her very best in the face of terrible circumstances. In the decade since she married and had a daughter and most recently underwent surgery to remove her thyroid, for it had cancer. So when my mom gave her a call I took the phone to say hello. When I asked her how she was she said, with the most sincere and thoughtful tone possible, she was good. Really? Good? It was like someone spurred me with a cattle-prod and slapped me across the face at the same time. How was she good? She had a two year-old and cancer. And she was good? I got off the phone with her and marveled at her sincere and genuine response. I wondered how one could be in control while so blatantly out of control of their circumstances. It became instantly obvious to me she had chosen to be good. She was not given the position or privilege, yet despite her situation was not wallowing in self-pity or anger or frustration. She opened my eyes that day to something deep. Something which is the only way I survived the awfulness of so much pain and illness.
Once I
realized everything had been stripped away from me, leaving me rotting like
a carcass picked dry by ugly greasy vultures, I realized I still
had one thing left. My choice of how to respond to the situation.
You can take my money, security, health, stability, job, love, joy,
ambitions and hopefulness, but you cannot take away my spirit! You
cannot take away my choice of how I react. There have been
times where finding that spirit was darn near impossible, but with faith
and fortitude I have been able to find my way back to the path of
progress and slowly rebuild my life brick-by-brick, inch-by-inch. My friend
taught me something valuable, stretched me in a way I did
not know I could be stretched. I am thankful for that wake-up snap
so early in the chronology of this disease, for it instilled in me a foundation I
have been able to establish which has been my saving grace many times
over. The choice to be good.
Thanks for joining,
Leah
This blog was originally published on 8/31/10.
This blog was originally published on 8/31/10.
