Friday, August 9, 2019

The Reunion

My birthday came and went with a bang. The celebrations are still trickling in, actually, in the form of the twice-a-year get-together-for-our-birthdays with a couple of friends. This fortieth didn't hit me nearly as hard as my first fortieth, or even my second. I haven't noticed any new wrinkles. My gray hair isn't multiplying. No new aches or pains. Thanks to intermittent fasting, I've even lost eight pounds. So naturally I thought I could sail right into this next year feeling, well, not older.

Then I found out about my twenty-five-year high-school reunion taking place at the end of the month. Seriously? Like, I graduated from high school twenty-five years ago? How is that even possible? So I called up my best friend from back in the day and we started reminiscing, bringing up all sorts of people I haven't thought about in years. We talked about what they're up to, how life turned out, how many kids and what kinds of jobs, how many husbands or wives?

It was all fun and games until that feeling of having my life robbed took over. Sigh. I'd made such progress in taking responsibility for my circumstances. Showing myself compassion, not anger, for never having become a famous interior designer or cosmetics CEO. Accepting my reality for what it is and seeking to enjoy and improve my life instead of being angry over what getting sick has cost me. But hearing about what my contemporaries are up to depressed me. Everyone seemed to get the whole cake while I'm sitting over here with a sliver of pie.

The desire to crawl back in my hole of isolation rose up. This is hard, trying to rebuild after another bout with this strange sickness. What a nebulous and unpredictable existence. I drop out of life for years at a time, unable to physically and mentally engage with others in any sort of consistent fashion. Then I get "better" and start my juggling act: trying to get all the dropped balls of my life back into the air without winding up sick all over again.

But enough, really. Because this is it. That is my reality. Love it or hate it, I'm forty-three years old and cannot spend one more moment of my precious time and energy being angry at what is. It took this whole twenty-five-year-reunion trauma to remind me how damaging comparing myself to others can be to my self-esteem. So I'm shaking it off and proceeding on my way. Reminding myself that picture-perfect lives usually have their own source of discord. Mine just happens to be plastered all over the outside of me.

Thanks for joining,
Leah

10 comments:

  1. I understand where you are coming from completely. I am at the point of forbidding myself to compare myself with contemporaries. If I must try to do it I look to other Fibro Warriors or Spoonies, to at least give myself a fighting chance.
    I only have a slither of pie too, but I am covering it with all the custard and cream I can so the casual onlooker will never guess I am lacking in cake! We're in this together 🤗

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Great attitude! It's too disruptive to my life to think I should be better than I am. I need to put what energy I do have into just doing it. Thanks for your comment Susan.

      Delete
  2. Remember that people usually only show you the good stuff, not the bad. And if you go to a reunion, or get together, remember that anyone can shine for an hour or two. Be proud that you have made it through all the bad things that have happened to you and are still trying to improve yourself. Most people just give up ... but you haven't. Stop being so hard on yourself and celebrate the fact that you are stronger than you think you are! And always remember that you are a role model to those of us who don't have the talent or the courage to create a blog, but truly enjoy your words.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry ... I wasn't trying to hide who I was I just forgot to put my name on this. We love you Leah!

      Delete
    2. Don't worry Joan I know who you are. :) Thanks for your comment and your support. Cheers!

      Delete
  3. very informative and well searched article.thanks!
    NegosyongPinoy.info

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm 15 years old. I was born with HIV my mother passed away because of the HIV infection And I regret why i never met Dr Itua he could have cured my mum for me because as a single mother it was very hard for my mother I came across Dr itua healing words online about how he cure different disease in different races diseases like HIV/Aids Herpes,Parkison,Asthma,Autism,Copd,Epilepsy,Shingles,Cold Sore,Infertility, Chronic Fatigues Syndrome,Fibromyalgia,Love Spell,Prostate Cancer,Lung Cancer,Glaucoma.,psoriasis,Cirrhosis of Liver, Cataracts,Macular degeneration, Infectious mononucleosis.,Cardiovascular disease,Lung disease.Enlarged prostate,Osteoporosis.Alzheimer's disease,psoriasis,
    Dementia.,Tach Disease,Breast Cancer,Blood Cancer,Colo-Rectal Cancer,Love Spell,Chronic Diarrhea,Ataxia,Arthritis,Amyotrophic Lateral Scoliosis,Fibromyalgia,Fluoroquinolone Toxicity
    Syndrome Fibrodysplasia Ossificans ProgresSclerosis,Weak Erection,Breast Enlargment,Penis Enlargment,Hpv,measles, tetanus, whooping cough, tuberculosis, polio and diphtheria)Diabetes Hepatitis even Cancer I was so excited but frighten at same time because I haven't come across such thing article online then I contacted Dr Itua on Mail drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com/ . I also chat with him on what's app +2348149277967 he tells me how it works then I tell him I want to proceed I paid him so swiftly Colorado post office I receive my herbal medicine within 4/5 working days he gave me guild lines to follow and here am I living healthy again can imagine how god use men to manifest his works am I writing in all articles online to spread the god work of Dr Itua Herbal Medicine,He's a Great Man.

    ReplyDelete
  5. DR WILLIAMS HERBAL CURE TO FIBROMYALGIA.
    I was always praying to have a testimony when ever i saw people sharing their own testimonies which really took me years but today i am the happiest man on earth.My wife suffered fibromyalgia for 5 years, after taken different kind of western medication without been cured.All these years my wife was like a death person but today she is been cured.and you do not know how i feel having my wife back to normal because it was not really easy for me .I took time to search the internet which i found a lot of people thanking Dr. williams concerning the same problem and i discussed it with my wife and she agreed for us to give a try, so we order his product which my wife took for 28 days and she is very much okay now.I will advise you to stop wasting time on all these western medicine because they only work for some times and the problem bounce back again.Contact Dr.at drwilliams098675@gmail.com for advice and for his product and be the next to give your testimony.

    ReplyDelete