Yesterday I woke up bright and early, well it was actually still dark out and not by choice, so I decided to attack a huge source of irritation in my life...the closet in my office. I gutted it and slowly organized it back to containment, even lugging heavy boxes up from the garage and totally wearing myself out (and many of you too, sorry!). I took quite a few trips down memory lane. I perused the hippie-love-child photo journey of my parent's wedding album my mother turned over to me years ago. I was shocked with how much I look like she did. I don't see it as much now but my mom at 24 looks just like me at 34...ha ha ha I wish. Found a letter my first boyfriend wrote me from jail professing his undying love, all sorts of funny tidbits from my childhood, Cabbage Patch Doll adoption certificates, birthday cards from deceased grandparents and even a $2 bill from the year I was born! I found an article from my home town newspaper I was interviewed in my junior year of high school stating my plans for the future included making a lot of money and then marrying rich. That one gave me a good laugh. I piled up journal after journal after journal and put them into a scary box, knowing the source of one book one day will include all the madness contained within. I found the dedicated and autographed picture of The Pointer Sisters from the year we went on tour with them when I was a little girl. Oh I found lots of fun stuff, threw away lots of junk and put it all back together again so organized and purposeful even my husband walked in the room, with the closet doors shut, and said it felt much better in here, and I agree. My energy had been blocked up with all that disorganized clutter and I was having a hard time getting myself focused and skipping down the road of starting this business...The Fibromyalgia Crusade.
I have so many thoughts and ideas and new ones form every day and it is all so overwhelming! I have experienced such a coming together of amazing and wonderful Fibro-friends as The Chronicles Of Fibromyalgia and The Fibromyalgia Fun House have sprung to life, a life I never expected! I have been blessed with the opportunity to pursue the American dream of owning my own business while passionately raising awareness for a damn good cause! I have been inspired in so many ways by so many beautiful souls locked inside the prison of a pain-wracked body and have felt a deep and strong calling on my life to take my talents and abilities and do something about it! But where to begin? How do I do this? Yes I have run businesses before but it was always someone else's business model and I was just the tool used to implement one small part of it. This is entirely different, it is scary and overwhelming and new! I have been without an income since July (save for 2 short days back at work after the strokes that made me realize I had to quit or was going to die) and don't have money for start-up costs or any way to pay the professionals that would just tell me what to do.
I am struggling to balance my life around this, filled with Prednisone manic and unending enthusiasm that will absorb my every thought and action for the day. I am still trying to take care of myself and be a dutiful wife and a good puppy-mom and fun person to be around, not a stressed-out self-important twit! I am struggling with getting enough sleep at night, not for lack of ability (my friend Xanax takes care of that) but because I am just plain busy! Keeping up with The Fibromyalgia Fun House alone is a part-time job. Yet this is one of the most exciting times in my life. I saw my psychiatrist last week and said, "Depression? Oh that's funny! I am on the charge of my life and depression is the farthest thing from my mind!". He was quite glad to hear that, especially because I started seeing him after I got my Fibromyalgia under control, but could not get happy, passionate, enthusiastic about anything and did not understand why when I was on the upswing of my dreams was still so miserable. So once again I will march toward this challenge with deep faith. Faith that I am on the right track, the money will come from somewhere and ultimately at the end of the day our cause will be furthered. I am a patient, I have no control over the research and development of causes and cures. But if I have my way this very persuasive sales-girl will have Fibromyalgia on the tip of America's tongue and its sufferers misunderstood no more.
Thanks for joining,
Leah
No comments:
Post a Comment